.::still blinking::.

Because my family gossips, I found out that my cousin Mariah has a tattoo. My dad told him that “The Church” frowns on that. Interesting, I thought. They also are not fond of castration and do-it-yourself man boobs. But I guess I we are not talking about that.

I’d love a tattoo. I just cannot think of a place to put one that will not end up with stretch marks down the middle of it. Can you just imagine, I get a japanese-esque branch with apple blossoms on my back where everyone else has one and it ends up looking like her. Make sure you scroll down.

Place an X by all the things you’ve done, or remove the X from the ones you have not.

(O) Smoked a cigarette (but used to dream about it all the time, I really like the smell)
(O) Drank so much you threw up
(O) Crashed a friend’s car
(X) Stolen a car (More like borrowed without asking)
(X) Been in love
(X) Been dumped
(0) Shoplifted candy
(X) Been laid off (more like forced out of job for my sanities sake)
(X) Quit your job (same as above)
(X) Been in a fist fight (with my dad)
(O) Snuck out of your parent’s house
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
(0) Been arrested
(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Lied to a friend
(X) Skipped school
(O) Seen someone die
(0) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(0) Been on the opposite side of the country
(0) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(0) Cried yourself to sleep
(0) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang karaoke
(0) Paid for a meal with only coins (but I did a movie once)
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(X) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(0) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(0) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(O) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(X) Blown bubbles
(O) Made a bonfire on the beach
(X) Gone roller-skating (when I was a kid all I wore in the summer was a swim suit and roller skates
(X) Ice-skating

Any nicknames? Kayla, Mom
What is your favorite drink? Diet Coke, all the flavor, none of the guilt.
How much do you love your job? Which job?
What day is it? Tuesday, library and ironing day.
Home? Where my family is.
Favorite vacation spot? Rome. I have never actually been there, but I am planning it.
Ever steal any traffic signs? No.
Ever been in a car accident? Yes
2 Door or 4 Door? 4 door
Salad dressing? Blue Cheese
Favorite number? 14
Favorite holiday? I really don’t know.
Favorite food? Sushi, and my favorite resteraunt ever closed in September.
Favorite day of the week? Saturday
Favorite smell? Clean baby
What do you do to relax? Bath and read.
How do you see yourself in 10 years? In Japan celebrating 15 years of marriage.
What do you enjoy receiving? Packages in the mail. Sincere compliments. Bags of brown sugar. Dinner invitations.

There is a part of me that wants to cuddle with the kid and then the other part of me wants my days to myself. There is the part of me that will let cars merge into my lane on the freeway, but if they won’t let me in then I threaten to take off the front of their car with mine. Seriously, I will do it. Don’t tempt me. There is the part of me that would give anything away, but if you assume that I am going to, you are dead wrong. My favorite foods are those that have brown sugar in them, and then when I am finished I feel like I have just prostituted myself. I refuse to have clutter in my house. Why then is it so cluttered in here? I will discipline Gentry and any other child that comes to my house to misbehave, but where is my discipline? I expect to be treated fairly, and I expect you to feel the same about treating me fairly.

So the thing is that the blog turned one yesterday and I don’t really have anything to say about it. In fact, I am having a hard time rubbing word together to form sentences.

Today in church a couple of old people sat behind us. It was the primary program and so everyone invited every living relative, and perhaps some dead, that they could think of. I don’t know who these people that were sitting behind us are, but I could hear everything that they said. I don’t know why this bothered me, I don’t think that they said anything terribly mean or anything. It must have been that everytime they said something I wanted to turn around and explain things to them. This is OUR ward, this is how WE work, STOP with the live commentary.

The program was really cute though. I must admit that I don’t love going to Sunday School. I usually have to go to the library before it starts and then once I get in I start counting down minutes and letting jj know how many more there are. 27 more minutes. I mean now 27 more minutes. 23 more minutes. You get the idea. So lately I have been going to primary because I like to hear them sing. There are some songs that they sing that they get so excited about. They practically scream the entire chorus and I love it. It is like a chorus of mickey mouse impersonators screaming at full blast. I don’t know and don’t care if it is blasphomous. I love that they love to sing so loudly. During the program they kept is pretty toned down.

During young womens we talked about not letting other people bring us down and understanding our own worth. If there was one thing that I could teach these girls to understand is that they really are daughters of God and that means they are part god and have the potential to become gods themselves. And to go along with that, if people are treating them as less than that, they don’t need those people in their lives. I think understanding what and who you are can give us the strength to reach the divine potential you have. I wish that we all knew that. It makes me sad to see people not reaching and striving for it. I don’t even really know what we as people are capable of, but to see people completely settle for mediocure or even less than that, it is sad. I wish that people, in a non-stuck up, help everyone up, kind of way, could reach their amazing potential. I want you to do it and I want me to do it also.

I have also known for quite a while that I get shy around groups of people and will have thoughts like, “I should do this,” or “I should do that.” But I am often so scared to embarrass myself that I won’t do things. This is part of my anxiety. I am going to stop doing it. It is going to be so completely uncomfortable and unnerving, I hope I can keep the shaking to a minimum. But I am going to start talking to people I don’t know. I am going to try to be friendly to everyone. I really hope that I can do this.

On a date with my pimp, stopped in at the Apple Store.

I have never known what to do about stockings. I know, a real world problem. But seriously ever since I got married I did not know what to do. I did not want to buy two of the exact same when jj and I got married because I knew that eventually our family would grow and I would never find one to match our stockings again. I also did not want to do the same old with red stockings and white furry trim, because I don’t know why, I just didn’t. I didn’t want to buy 12 of the same either because I knew that I would not like them by the time that there were 12 members of our family. Like that will ever happen, but you know what I mean. Today I finally figured it out and here is the solution.

I bought three that are different and when/if we add more people to our family we can buy another odd stocking that while fit right in with us. Brilliant, I know. No need to tell me.

Also it was Gentry’s birthday the other day. He is now 2 and showing all signs of heading straight for the terrible kind. He does not listen, as soon as I get him out of the car he is off and running through parking lots, he is throwing things. I think that things are going to get worse before they get better. But that is life. He is still so dang cute that I sometimes have a hard time scolding him. He had a compact of makeup with him in the back seat of the car today and it was closed. He threw it at me and yelled, “OPEN THE DOOR!” I had to be stern and I said that I don’t do things for little boys who are being naughty, but I had to turn the rear view mirror off my face because I was laughing as I said it.

Anyway, because of his birthday we have had a major influx of new toys. His Aunt Jaime gave him a weed whacker (fake of course) and a pair of goggles to protect his eyes from all things flying. He has been insisting on wearing them or having one of us wear them pretty constantly. Cute.

If there is one website that I wished posted more it would be this one. I love the clean design.

And check out this one and also this one.

I went to the doctor today to discuss getting on medicine to make me stop shaking. We decided that I do not need it. I am kind of happy, but I really wish it would just stop with no work on my part.

Today at a meeting we were looking at some of my work, I started feeling the shakes come on I had to sit and think “Take deep breaths, Take deep breath.” The shakes passed and I did it myself with the power of my mind. I am now going to change the channel with my mind. Ha. But I am learning more and more what I am in control of.

I have been shaking for 11 years. I read on the internet that the medicines for this kind of thing are temporary. You are not supposed to be on them for life. Since this is something I have had for a while, it is obviously not short term. I need to figure it out myself.

I finally got my free popcorn. What incredible service! I waited for 2 days shy of a month. Also, I think that Annie’s popcorn is better and my sister-in-laws is also.

Sorry for promoting something that sucked.

You know the other day when I was over at your house and you said that I was freezing because I was shaking, that is not why I was shaking. I shake when I talk to people and I just tell them that I am cold because that is the obvious way to draw attention away from it. Sometimes the room shakes also, the things that I am looking at shake around me.

I went to the shrink today. I think that it is going to help. She said that I am obviously stressed and she is going to teach me how to get rid of the stress in my life. She said there is medicine to make things and me stop shaking. I have always been kind of scared of that kind of medicine, but if it will make me normal, I am willing to give it a try.

She said that I was right about a lot of things that are going on around me. That made me feel better. I am glad that I am not crazy and that I actually do have stuff going on to make me stressed, and that I can fix it. I am in control of my destiny.

I like myself and I deserve good things. If you don’t think that you deserve good things, do not get mad at me for choosing good. Your life really is a choice.

Some people didn’t like my pictures from Hawaii. These people take the average tourist pictures. Such as, “This is a cool tree, stand in front of it and I will take your picture.” Or, “Isn’t this sunset lovely, stand right here and smile and I will take your picture.” I obviously am incapable of taking acceptable pictures of Hawaii, according to them. I am not a people picture taker. I like the incognito, natural pictures and pictures of stuff. I don’t like the posed stiffness of pictures. Ya know?

I would have to say that I took some nice pictures. Here are a few. I will put more in Flickr.