A womans life is a hard one. For me at least. A woman is always doing and being torn in 100 different directions. We have to find the things that are most important to us and do those things well. The rest doesn’t matter so much.
I remind myself, one day my house will be clean. One day I will make good dinners every night. One day I will know my worth. One day dumb things won’t stress me out. What are your things? What do you remind yourself of? Cause, I know that this part of my life is only temporary and that this part is fleeting. I look forward to the change and also relish this part where my kids are little and smiley and sweet (in general). I am thankful for our good health and that we are still together after 10 years (9-ish married + 1-ish dating).
And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes…
Nobody knows
My mom said my 30 days of life skills was not complete. That she was waiting for more than 5. Hmmmm. I am obviously struggling with this.
This one probably applies more if you are married to a boy, or have male children or grandchildren. Cause there are times when JJ will try to relate gospel truths to the the life that is Yoda. Learn, I will. Or times when the man child asks me my favorite character or asks me which character I want to be by selecting a colored pencil as my light saber and I get it very wrong. Or there is also the roaming catalog of Star Wars Legos and I am supposed to know which numbers apply to characters and ships.
So yeah, I don’t know and apparantly I am missing out. How do you do?
My sisters told me yesterday that I needed to start blogging again. There are only like two times in the day, ok, three that I have time to myself anymore. Going potty, nursing, and showering. I can do stuff one handed while nursing. It is just a lot slower. Guess which one I am doing now. Ha ha. That is a fun game.
Things are going pretty well with two kids. Gentry has gotten really good at programming the tv to do what he needs it to do. He can turn on the Wii or a movie. And he has gotten really good at the Wii games. Is that something to be proud of? He was going to learn sometime. Now the all powerful threat is that if he doesn’t listen I am going to turn off the Wii. It has happened a few times. Beware the mean mommie.
The baby yells at me all the time. Especially while eating. She will pop off and scream, scream, scream. I will force her back on and she will begrudgingly reattach. And then pop off to whine just a little more. And then once more. And one more time for good measure. I think we are on track for some great drama and debates. My mom and I can both imagine her at about 5 with her hand on her hip, telling me how to run the house.
Gentry loves her so much. He wants to hold her all the time and if I have not let him hold her in the day he will get really sad and cry. I have taught him to see if she is hungry by rubbing her cheek and see if she wants to suck. He loves to let her suck his fingers and I let him do it as long as they are clean.
JJ and Gentry went to buy me and her presents for Christmas. I talked to Gentry about what he was going to get her before they left. He said he wanted to get her a really pretty blanket. He came home with a knit purple and white blanket. It is so sweet.
I am really impressed with the way that Gentry is handling this. There have been a few bumps in the road. But he has always been good for me and been good at home. He likes to choose the clothes that she wears and he helps me bath her in the mornings. He gets to wipe her legs and arms.
The other day I took a nap with her on my chest. When I woke up he asked if she could lay on his chest. His chest is a lot smaller than mine. So she kept rolling off. But they were so sweet together. I am so excited for when she sees and responds to us. I think she is going to love Gentry. I know he loves her.
We went to a family get together for my father’s side of the family on Sunday. JJ willingly came along. This is what he does for me, he supports all my decisions. Be they hair-brained or not.
He has been so patient through the pregnancy. He gave up sleeping in our bed a while ago, and has been on the couch. Not that we don’t like each other, we do. But that I struggle to sleep lately and toss and turn all night. Along with the 95 bathroom breaks and the toilet training through the night of the wee man, it leads to me watching lots of Hulu and just being up in general. He sleeps better on the couch and I just don’t sleep, but he lets me have the bed anyway.
This year has been a tough one. There has been lots of impatience on my part as I struggle through the pregnancy and the realization that my body is aging and changing. He has done nothing but try to make things good for me and the wee man. He has lightened my load and made me feel better about myself.
He has incredible inner strength and courage. He is quiet. But he has quietly made me a better wife and mother. He is the strength I need when I have none left.
He is well loved. By me and by all those who really know him. Including Spiderman and one-armed lego man.
Yesterday in Relief Society, the lesson was about charity. About how when we are judging people we are not full of charity. All I could think of is how nice JJ is to me. Always.
I have turned into a hissing, fierce momma cat who is pretty willing to tell most everyone what I think of them. And poor JJ has taken the brunt of this. I wake up in the morning in a punching mood and he usually takes a couple hits. Not literally.
And instead of saying things like, “Woman, you are nuts. I am leaving you here to sulk and punch holes in the wall.” He says, “I am sorry I bug you all the time.” All day long. Everyday. Instead of getting mad at me and making me feel crazy, which I know I am. He is so kind to me.
He doesn’t take offense. He doesn’t hold a grudge. He just loves me and tells me so. I guess he knows how hard this is for me. He just loves me. No matter how crazed I am that day.
