.::still blinking::.

Yesterday in Relief Society, the lesson was about charity. About how when we are judging people we are not full of charity. All I could think of is how nice JJ is to me. Always.

I have turned into a hissing, fierce momma cat who is pretty willing to tell most everyone what I think of them. And poor JJ has taken the brunt of this. I wake up in the morning in a punching mood and he usually takes a couple hits. Not literally.

And instead of saying things like, “Woman, you are nuts. I am leaving you here to sulk and punch holes in the wall.” He says, “I am sorry I bug you all the time.” All day long. Everyday. Instead of getting mad at me and making me feel crazy, which I know I am. He is so kind to me.

He doesn’t take offense. He doesn’t hold a grudge. He just loves me and tells me so. I guess he knows how hard this is for me. He just loves me. No matter how crazed I am that day.

I heard this song today. It really sums it up.

my resolutions
:: open an etsy shop / use my gocco machine ::
:: keep exercising ::
:: get over my fear of being pregnant ::
:: do a homemade Christmas and start now so that I am not frantic at the end ::
:: figure out a way to keep the the little guy happy, the check book balanced and toilets clean ::

What is that law of physics? For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Yesterday, I kept thinking. This ebay thing is not that big of a deal. I have taken care of it and done all that I can. It is not like these people are going to drive here from Kentucky to beat me up, so why the heck am I still crying over this?

Also, yesterday, a huge helping of chocolate, a nap and some PMS pills made me feel about hundred times better. I took the PMS pills because they have helped me feel better before, not because I was suspecting PMS.

This morning I woke up with cramps. Male readers, if there are any of you besides jj, I am sorry. Tonight, I finally realized my reaction way over compensated for the problem, and it must be because of my monthly friend.

When I go to tradeshows with jj, there is one guy that is so funny. He tells me about his wife and how there are times where she turns into another woman, he is referring to once a month and during and after pregnancy. I can relate. He tells me how she reacts to things. I think to myself, “That is not a weird reaction, why are you cracking up?” He talks about calling home when he is away from home and the other woman will answer the phone, swear at him for a few minutes and then hang up on him. I guess it does not help your nerves when your six year old is in the other room giving you the finger.

I wish that I could recognize my emotions while I am going through them. I guess throwing popcorn at jj and slamming the bedroom door should have been a good hint to all involved. I think that jj just ducked and covered, a smart defensive move on his part, he could have been in danger of losing his head. I really should keep better track of these things, but I get finished and it feels like three days later I start again. Jeez, at least we know I am not pregnant.

I can just imagine it now. I mean no insult to all those who are pregnant, but lets face it, we all get a double chin when there is a bun in the oven. So, I would be the fat, pregnant woman, holding a bowl of chicken curry, throwing spoons or forks or anything I can get my hands on yelling at you for coming to my house to sweep the floor the wrong way, because obviously you are going to do it wrong. The audacity! My way is the only way! Obviously!

And you better watch out. My reaction is not always equal to the action. Sometimes my action far outweighs what you could even come close to imagining.