.::still blinking::.

Ever since the break, I have felt a little off. Kind of like that dream where at school everyone is looking at you, and you realize in horror that you forgot to wear clothes that day. So you try to cover up with your college ruled notebook, but that really only covers so much.

It has finally come to a head today and I am ready to get rid of the unnecessary parts of my life that are frustrating me. Or shall we say, I have decided nakedness never was happiness (sometimes). Really, there is only one part that is making me crazy, but it is starting to suck up all my free thoughts, energy and time. So I have asked for a change. I don’t know if it will happen. But I want it to.

I really need the change, I get sick once a week on a certain day because of the low level stress that accompanies it. It is my bodies way of telling me I need less of this right now. I will be sad to let this part of my life go, but hopefully better things await.

Wedding announcements for my sister. She let me have complete creative control. I love that. I think they are so beautiful. Chocolate envelopes. Gold to and from addresses. Lined watermark paper. A beautiful package. Congratulations Taz.

I appreciate that my house has been almost completely surrounded by road construction making it practically impossible to get to the freeway without passing through Wyoming.

jj: my belly hair itches
me: your belly hair huh?
jj: it gets rubbed raw

me: my belly hair itches too

:: coming home to cool evenings in new warm bedding :: working with a breeze blowing through my billowing curtains :: warm sunlight ::

:: endlessly eating tomatoes from my garden ::

:: little neighbor friends bringing me flowers with itty bitty hands :: bright blue eyes ::

:: having friends who can help out ::

:: doctors willing to write off medical bills when a certain organization is being a pain in the bum :: who knew strangers could be so giving :: kindness and good karma ::

:: beautiful dessert sushi :: via Dr. Stonielove ::

:: dorky mormon missionaries who prove, once again, that mormons are in fact a bunch of dorks :: now there is a stereotype the needs broken ::

:: these shoes, yes, in yellow ::

Recent happenings in no particular order:

I have been researching humpback whales and their calves (babies not there legs). I love researching for projects. In college, I used to check out all the books I could find on a subject: there was asian design, Gustav Klimt, Bauhaus, German Memorials to Jews. So many things I learned about and have come to love. I almost seem to get obsessed with a subject and all I can about it.

Someone told Gentry that I went in an airplane when I left a few weeks ago. He has been asking me about it ever since. I tell him we started out on the ground and then we went up in the air. He asked if I was in the clouds. I told him I was in and over the clouds. I then went back down to the ground. He has asked if he can go in an airplane some day. Yes. He can. Maybe soon in fact. I think he would love it, especially a short flight were we wouldn’t have to come up with a lot for him to do.

Gentry started pre-school two weeks ago. He loves it, which is a good thing because he will have three years of it when he starts kindergarten. He really wants to go to the big school down the street. He can hear the kids outside at recess screaming like Santa came and took all their teeth and toys away, and he asks if he can go to the big school. I tell him he doesn’t want to go there, Santa eats his reindeer and naughty little boys. He calls his classmates his school kids. His teacher says that he talks to the little kids, saying, “Hey little girl.” Or “Hey little boy.” He has come home asking me to sing all kinds of songs to him that I don’t know and he knows the abc’s to h. On Monday and Wednesday I hardly see him. He goes in the morning and then at one, I put him down for a nap until four or five. He will sleep along time.

I bought my first alcoholic beverage today at the State Liquor Store. That is a happening place, especially at 10 in the morning. There was the lady with a few teeth and just as many quarters, and the old boys club. They all know each other and their beverage of choice. I wish I was cool like that. I bought Sake, for Japanese cooking. It is really pretty. Because I always go for the pretty container, forget usefulness. I have seen several Japanese recipes, in the beautiful books, no ugly cook books allowed here, that called for sake and I finally caved and bought some, so I can cook. I went into the store, got up to the check out counter and realized I did not have my wallet in my purse. Dang it. I look like I am 17 trying to get some liquor to share with my toddler. Somehow I am feeling strangely like Britani Spears, with more hair and funny underwear. I felt foolish. Went and got my wallet from the car and purchased it. I wish I could keep my brain near by. Too bad I usually leave it home, somewhere. Now where is it again. Maybe more like Britani that I want to admit.

I am starting to finally come up with an identity for my company. Hopefully soon I will have cards and a website. Crossing my fingers. I am always busing doing design for everyone else.

I started physical therapy at a new place. This guy is a lot more aggressive and actually got my wrist to move close to where it used to go. It hurts though, so bad I have considered wriggling free of his constricting grasp throwing parrafin wax all over him and then finding the nearest feather factory. All while turning red in the face from not breathing. Pain. Ouch.

Same as below, but for jj this time around.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Cloosoh Toyota

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Cookie Dough Chocolate Chip

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
J-Rob

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Black Kat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Jason Logan

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Rob-JA

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Red R. Beer

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Jimmy Ross

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
H. Boss G. Bears

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Allen Don

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Shouse Seattle

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Fall Bachelor

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Raspberry T

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Waffle Ginko

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Soccer Breeze Tour

I saw this meme on allsorts. Like her, I issue a general tag. If you want to play, consider yourself tagged as well.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Charlie Toyota

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Cookie Dough Chocolate Chip

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
M-Rob

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
White Kitten

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Christine Roosevelt

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Rob-Ma

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Red Smoothie

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
William Earl

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Beyond Paradise Taffy

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Lewis Ray

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Day Denver

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Fall Gerber

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Blueberry Bubblie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Waffle J. Maple

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Napping Cool Tour

jj and I went to The Corner Office for brunch Sunday morning in downtown Denver. It was fabulous.

jj had the belgian waffles with spiced pumpkin spread between them with nutmeg maple syrup. I had french toast with peanut butter, chocolate and bananas with maple syrup. jj’s was better, but mine was delicious also.

If you are ever in the Denver area it would be totally worth the stop.

July 25, 2007- Broke my arm while playing dodgeball at an LDS Church sponsored activity. Went to the the closest after hours clinic. Not in my preferred provider network. Because what would you do when you arm cannot pick a cell phone? Hang out and look online for the nearest preferred provider? Yeah, that was what I was thinking at that very moment.

July 26 – September 4, 2007 – Luckily was seeing a Doctor who was in my preferred provider network. But the thing is, I have a $3000 dollar deductible. I go where I want and just let the deductible add up, assuming it never will. Hopefully.

September 4, 2007 – (Notice this is 6 weeks later) Receive information in the mail about what will and won’t be covered. The church accident insurance will not pay unless I follow the rules of my insurance. If I use an out of network doctor, they will not pay. The stress level starts to sky rocket. The last thing I want is to pay for an accident I did not cause.

September 10, 2007 – Go to physical therapy. For two hours.

September 11, 2007 – Go the physical therapy. Again.

September 12, 2007 – My physical therapist office calls. They tell me they are not a preferred provider and that THE CHURCHES ACCIDENT INSURANCE IS NOT GOING TO PAY THEM. So it has been nice serving you, but you are basically not welcome back here.

Now the thing is, I am not expecting $40,000 for this accident. What I am expecting is for my medical bills to be paid with out headache. Instead, here I am at 1 in the morning deciding what I am going to say to them at 8:01 AM. I am thinking be calm, be nice. Be nice. But how am I supposed to say that I am “honest in all my dealings” when the church is doing a hack job of taking care of their own. The best route for me would have been to lie and to just say I had no insurance and make them pay it all. Then I really would not have to worry about what would and would not be paid. The other thing is that if I had broken my arm myself, I would have gone the same route and used the exact same doctors.

What would Jesus do? Somehow, I am thinking, not this. Especially the white hot intense farting.