.::still blinking::.

The house is a mess and I have NO energy.

This afternoon I had plans to contribute to the lets clean up this dump fund. Instead, I could not keep my eyes open and so I slept/watched Batman with Gentry and squeezed his hand during the scary parts. See what I good mom I am. Two-face may cause nightmares, but I am right there watching you freak out, darling.

We have no food, so as a bonus to our trip, we continue to eat out but my outfits get increasingly less fantastic. I am pretty much to the point where I can no longer go out in public. I am typing to you from the warm confines of sweat pants, t-shirt and slippers. Hello hottness! If I were to leave, I would absolutely put on a bra, and that would fix things right up. Welcome to my world and instead of figuring out lunch, my mom brought us Wendy’s. She is the best. For real.

For dinner, we may just have air and hopefully there is some year old ice cream we can chip out of the freezer. Good thing I have a bit of food storage, because a bucket of wheat would fix this situation right up. Seriously though. I need to get some stuff done. I need to get back on my I-do-stuff-around-here cart. Also, staying up until one does wonder for a girls sleeping habits. I have got to get things back together.

Am I just a little black rain cloud? Hovering over the hunny tree! By hunny, I mean, hot damn. Did you see her butt? I wish it was mine.

Also, one time my roommate Lori (Hi Lori, you are the best) put a slug in a plastic baggy with salt and I have never seen something so…I don’t even know who to describe it. Don’t do it though. Yuck.

Test driving cars is fun.

I feel like I am dating again, not the cars, but the dealers.

They want me to want them, bad. Desperately searching for things we have in common and ways to impress me. ie: I played ball for Urban Myer.

Wow. What kind of ball would that be? Cause I don’t care about sports and neither does JJ. Also, partying is not what I did in college, nor was it my goal. What was your goal in college?

And Gentry is hungry, which is code for, “My timer has gone off, time to get the heck out of here.” Not, “Please bring my son a box (A BOX) of fruit snacks before dinner.” I am not going to be happy with you. Are you trying to poison him with high fructose corn syrup? Why don’t you you bring it in a BPA plastic bottle you just warmed in the microwave.

And yes, I want to test drive a Prius. Just because you are pretending the only one in your lot is sold does not mean I am going to resort to something else. I can find them elsewhere.

We will not be going on a second date. He wanted to make a home run and I was only willing to go to first base. Does that mean there was necking and petting?

:: wanting some of these sweet dulce brownies ::

:: my accountant laughing at my dumb jokes and being the bad guy when needed so I don’t have to ::

:: this book ::

:: friends and family taking care of things at home so I can leave home with JJ ::

:: cute old Titanic-esque hotels ::

:: crazy rockstar parties ::

:: several other things I will talk about later when I don’t have to blog from my phone ::

Waiting with a prayer in my heart, and constantly fighting back tears, for the arrival of a new little girl to join our ranks.

I wish I was there, and am sending my positive thoughts to you and your new addition.

The car we drive is the car I bought when JJ refused to commit his life to buying a car before we got married. Which really threw a wrench in our relationship. He has a hard time with deciding on, well, anything. And I get sick of making all the decisions. So I eventually got sick of following him around looking at cars he was not going to buy and went and bought the first one the dude showed me. Yeah, I am easy. I did not even negotiate. I just took it, used tires and all. It has been a good car though. We have only had to replace wear and tear stuff.

At the time I bought my car, JJ was driving a child-molester-mobile (JJ has never molested children, nor do either of us condone such actions) and I just was not ok with that being our mode of transportation. Hence the ugly blue Camry we drive now. The really good thing about it, is that we have not made a car payment the entire time we have lived in this house, that is a nice feeling.

It is nearing 14 years old and has dull streaks down the hood and rust bubbles near the window, the breaks will not stop screaming and last night during the rain storm it dripped on me as we drove home from a friends. That is the thing that made the car unbearable, I cannot face the winter with a car that is constantly dripping rust spit on me.

So we are on the lookout for a new (to us) car. Since we are cheap, and have no real vanity when it comes to cars we are keeping it cheap, hoping we can pay it off quickly.

Sigh. I hate big purchases.

I love the simple pattern of a zucchini cut open. Yes this is a zucchini, a yellow zucchini. It kind of reminds me of those old fisher price record players with the notches on the records. I made this for dinner. It was so good, even though I forgot the beans and almonds. And yes, that is the kind of stuff I have on hand around here. The tomatoes and zucchinis came from my garden.

This is what my days have been looking like lately. All finances and catching up. I am getting on top of it though. Thank goodness for accountants and friends who know accounting. To bad I failed accounting in college. This should make a little sense since I had to take it twice. Oh well. Shortly I should be back on top of my finances.

I am all for being a good sport, but if this is what my competitors looked like while performing I think I would have to make fun. I definitely would want my Olympic moment to look like that, and I would want all of my friends to see me this way. Poor divers. Those are truly memorable moments.

Oh and this was just nice to look at. Your welcome. It kind of reminded me of all the advertisements in Las Vegas, except they are not wearing coyboy hats and looking coyly at me while really trying to keep their desire for the guy next to them at bay.

:: him ::

:: friends volunteer work in an African orphanage :: their bringing hope ::

:: moments when Gentry listens and understands ::

:: JJ bringing me healthy snacks at night ::

:: finding out good news from lots of different sources ::

:: impending birthday parties ::

:: evening walks with friends :: making friends with Gentry’s preschool teacher ::

:: gaining clarity ::

:: hope ::

I couldn’t sleep last night, my mom said maybe it is menopause. I could only be that lucky.

I woke up and couldn’t sleep. So I went downstairs and watched a movie on the laptop. I thought I could hear Gentry up in his room playing, or something, and went and sat in his room for a while. He wasn’t and I couldn’t hear it anymore. I guess the house was just settling.

Eventually I fell asleep again around 5, but my alarm started going off at 6. So really no sleep, and the tired is just starting to kick in. I am so tired I am reminded of college all nighters. The ones where you are so tired to kind of feel like throwing up. Do you get that? Just weird throat tired feelings.

Sigh.

I didn’t even have any diet coke yesterday. I don’t know what could have kept me up unless it was pecan pie, which I did eat late. But to my knowledge there are no stimulants in pie. Right?

The other day Gentry went to bed with his toy table saw and drill. He was up for about 2 hours after we put him to bed. JJ eventually went in and asked him what he was doing, he replied, “Building a table.”

Yesterday was so frustrating at church. As mentioned previously JJ and I teach the 14-18 year old Sunday School class. Now I know these are good kids. No one is pregnant or doing drugs, to my knowledge. (Now as I re-read that I don’t really think that doing those things makes them bad kids. Even if they were doing those things I would still love them and feel compassion for them.) But they were so disrespectful to JJ yesterday as he taught the lesson.

Apparently I am not the only one as Kateka (my sister) seems to have had the same experience yesterday in her class. I was a little hesitant to post about this, because I know that some of my students mothers read this blog.

We may have started out on a bad note as two of the kids were sitting on the floor even though there were empty seats. I should have invited them to sit in chairs. Floor sitting does not excuse bad behavior though.

They would not be quiet. They were throwing trash and wrappers and gum. They were pushing the wall/curtain at the other class. When I told them to stop, they were like, “What that wasn’t me?” And I was all, “I just watched you do it!” I separated the two major offenders and this really just made things worse as they were now across the room from each other and just yelling at each other. Which lets be honest, yelling over the teacher really invites the spirits and helps other who are trying to listen focus.

As JJ was wrapping up, he tried and tried to get their attention, and thy just would not be quiet. I was so pissed at the end. I got up and went and found one mother and told her and than a member of the bishopric. When I got home I called the other offenders mother.

Now I know that kids will be kids, but this was way out of control and they would not calm down. I have no problem with kids having fun. But the thing is if you are coming to class to be disruptive, just don’t come. It is disrespectful to the teacher who spent a lot of time preparing to try to teach them. And it is disrespectful to Heavenly Father.

It really hurt my feelings that the acted like this and I think the reason why is that I am so disappointed in them.

Next week I am going to start the lesson with a mini lesson on R-E-S-P-E-C-T. And the consequences of their actions when they are disrespectful to JJ and I and to their peers. Things are going to change.

Also, I think I am going to invite them to write a thank you/apology to JJ.