.::still blinking::.

Someone is in Logan and I miss him.

I was put on strict bed rest on Thursday. Like don’t get out of bed. Don’t go downstairs. Don’t walk more than the length of a block. Don’t stand for more than 30 minutes. I was told to basically sit still for a really long time.

Gentry’s pregnancy was not like this. It was kind of difficult. But nothing like this and I had had nothing to compare it to before that.

This pregnancy. Makes me question my strength as a person. I know you are all here to support and help me through this. But I used to run marathons. I used to swim for hours. I used to sweat so hard during workouts that there was a puddle around me. I used to be strong. It is hard to give up that part of me, even for a short amount of time.

I was reading my cousin Sarah’s blog today. She has a link to this video and the following quote:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing, and so you are not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.”       -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I was listening and reading the quote at the same time. I could feel myself running again. I could see it in my mind. I could feel the rhythm of it. I could feel the cool breeze of the evening whipping past me. So maybe I need this time to be humbled and tried. I hope things will be better than I could have imagined.

On Saturday my sister, Kateka, invited us to go ice skating with her company.

JJ and I spent most of the time hunched over Gentry trying to keep him standing and from smacking his head on the ice. Gentry loved it even though he could not really do it at all. JJ hunched over him and to keep Gentry’s feet on the ground. JJ’s back hurt the next day. I say, that is what you get when you get close to working out.

I just picked him up and moved slowly around the rink and tickled his tummy if I could get to it.

Gentry really likes Stuart, Kateka’s husband. He kept wanting to go and talk to him and play. Other people are so much more fun that JJ and I. Probably because we threaten to take away all his toys and make him have time outs.

On the potty training front. We have been taking turns waking up and taking Gentry to the bathroom. He usually only has one small accident a night. Which seems like a lot. But we are going from filling up diapers to just tiny accidents. We still have not had an accident free night, but I think we are getting there.

I hope. I hope. I hope.

Also, my crocus’ are poking their little blossoms out of the icy ground and not even dieing when they get snowed on. I could just kiss them and the warm thoughts of summer they bring.

So. That kid that lives at my house has wet the bed every night since possibly the end of November and it is so frustrating. We have bribed him with all kinds of things.

A cat. A dog. Small treats every morning when he wakes up and is dry. A chart to mark off when he is dry. I really don’t know what else I can do to positively encourage him. And all I can think every morning is how rude and careless he is. So I should get the good mother of the year award. Seriously.

And to top it off. He has started throwing tantrums. He is 4 1/2. I really thought we had just missed that phase. I mean, I have seen other peoples kids kicking and screaming on the floor and thought we had dodged that bullet. Apparently not. He is just bigger and kicks harder than most 2 year olds, which makes it all the better.

So I want to be a kind and patient mother. But I know that other kids his age don’t do these things and it is so frustrating.

The worst is that he can dress and undress himself (I guess that is not so bad). But we have been putting him in night time cloth diapers hoping that would help him change his mind and instead of putting them in the dirty clothes, he just left the diaper on his floor this morning. So now we have a giant spot of wet musty pee smell emanating from his room.

I love him. I really do. Sometimes it is just easier when he is asleep.

How do I take care of these problems? Yikes! Help!

I am still frantically preparing for Christmas. What they heck was I thinking making so many presents? I hate giving things I put no heart into, but my heart is no longer feeling it, I am completely out of steam and yet I head back into the mess to continue upward and onward. Hopefully.

The presents are really cute in my head, but I am a clumsy seamstress and it shows. I am trying though. Seriously trying.

Mr. Dino has made it into a lot of photos lately. The last photo he was not “eating” Baby Jesus. I was informed that this is just Jesus’ new mode of transportation. Like Dino Taxi, with out the joy of being screamed at in the middle of a busy street in New York in the rain about getting OUT of my taxi. Taxi drivers in Denver are a lot nicer, doling out advice about having more children and spreading the love.

Does this happen to Baby Jesus at your house?

Gentry went Christmas shopping for me with JJ on Saturday. I guess JJ was looking at the pajamas and Gentry brought this over to him and said, “These are for boobs. This is cute.”

Have I mentioned Gentry’s current obsession with boobs. I have them and he doesn’t. Same with JJ, I guess. We have been talking a lot about privacy and how he doesn’t see me when I am naked. But he and I got all cuddly on the couch the other day to read Christmas stories and he announced, “My head is on your boob!” Well, lets change positions than.

I guess this is just the beginning. Boys are so not like girls.

What you cannot see in this picture is that he had a hicky on his cheek. I thought that would be a hilarious thing to have in all our wedding pictures. I still find it rather hilarious and he still groans when I bring it up.

Love you babe.

He likes to be Tarzan at night and run around like a wild man in his underwear. We let him. This night he was a star-wrangling Tarzan!

This year we have been doing an Advent Calendar. We read of slip of paper with an activity on it and Gentry gets a small candy. The activities vary, but on Wednesday we went to Temple Square, in downtown Salt Lake to look at the Christmas lights.



I have not been to see this in several years, but I really thought the nativity scene set in the reflecting pool was so pretty.

As we were leaving we asked Gentry if he liked going to see the lights. He said that he didn’t like the lights, but that he did like looking at the big statue of Cheesus. He is referring to the large statue they have of Jesus in one of the visitor centers. He cracks us up.