.::still blinking::.

So, Gentry has been on a soccer team for about a month. He is three, so I was not really expecting much. Good thing, because although he is darling and the moral builder for the team, he never scored a goal and he kicked the ball about once per game. I don’t really care though. He was the boy who would go and give hugs to the other players and make sure they were ok when they fell down. When someone would get a goal, he would start yelling and giving high fives. Really, I think he did a perfect job and I am so proud that he was such a good team player.

The thing is, some of those parents were crazy. And if you read this and are offended, do not even think that I care. Becuase, um, hello, our kids are three and they just don’t get it yet.

So, can I just say, crazy sports parents kept me up last night with fret and I don’t know if we want to keep playing sports if all parents are jerks like that.

Um, do any of you have experience with this? Because I seriously don’t get it.

My cousin, Sarah, recently wrote this about turning 25 and viewing life as a child and an adult.

It made me think about the joy of being a parent. There are times I want to run away from here and I cannot take another punch in the face. But there are also magical times, times that I would never give up, and they are usually the most simple things.

There is something about being a mother that makes you so vulnerable to the simple awareness of your child.

When Macie was born and I went to see her for the first time, Gentry said to me, “You don’t need to hold her, she already knows you.” Tears instantly sprang to my eyes, I was shocked by his insightful and innocent comment.

There are so many times that he is in awe and I surrender to the emotion of watching him live and learn.

I cannot even think about going to Disneyland with Gentry, talking about it to other people makes my lip quiver. I have been talking to JJ about taking him in February with my cousin who lives near there. JJ was sad about the thought about not going with us on his first time and I cannot say I blame him. The magic of having him there would make my heart melt, until he started punching me.

It is the same with Christmas. It is one thing to be a child experiencing Christmas and so much better when you are providing the magic for someone else.

I feel like the narrator of his life, and I know this will only last a little while. Eventually he is going to tell me to take a hike, he wants to experience it all his way. I will have to retreat. Somehow though, I hope the magic stays.

I love being reminded about old things by someone with new eyes.

I cannot find my card reader for my camera. I am sure I have other ways to transfer stuff, but really I am not desperate yet. So alas, the interwebs must go without the latest photos.

We have been busy though. Very busy.

In the last month we have:

1 – Bought a new non-rust-spitting car.
2 – Been on a business trip to Denver.
3 – Filed our taxes (yes, we are only 7ish months late).
4 – Not cleaned (and it shows).
5 – Made pots and pots of spaghetti sauce from the tomatoes in the garden.
6 – Had lots of time outs.
7 – Watched the first three seasons of Project Runway, which we discovered while having cable at our hotel in Denver.
8 – Started piano lessons again.
9 – Returned everything I could that I have bought in the last month-ish. Trying to get out of debt because new car payments scare me.
10 – Bought everything I need to make Gentry a Batman costume, and stayed within budget for the week. I hope we have enough to buy milk next week. Hah. Just kidding. Kind of.
11 – Been seriously freaked out about the economy and watched the Oprah/Suze Orman special about it. Because Oprah will save my soul and Suze will not let me be in debt. Also, the prophet said its a big no, no. Considering it.
12 – Wondered what the heck people are thinking, we all know I am perfect. Obviously. Me and Mary Poppins. Practically Perfect in everyway.
13 – Not pregnant. Stop asking. Seriously, if you ask me again I am not speaking to you, ever.
14 – Canceled my order with Clinique. Small feelings of triumph and grief.
15 – Now I am off to catch up on Heroes and hopefully find my photo card reader.
16 – Considered stealing the orange crayon from a gift we were giving a friend. All orange resources are quickly being depleted at this house.

TTFNYBOFHB.

a bag full of orange markers.

This could really solve a lot of problems.

Today was hard and exhausting.

I don’t really want to say more, except that in my anger, I bought a new bed spread and it is hot.

Gentry and I had a tough morning today. He woke up crying at 7 this morning so I went into his room to lie down with him for a little bit. I probably should have just stayed in my bed, and let him work it out on his own. Anyway, he was up early and he got exceedingly harder and harder to deal with until we were late for pre-school and he was yelling at me to bring him a treat when I picked him up. And telling me that I have a bad attitude. And yelling that I need to be nicer to him.

I was using the tactic, that I cannot hear little boys that yell at their moms. I can only hear little boys who speak nicely to their mothers. He didn’t seem to care and I was not giving in.

I guess he felt bad about being so mean to me, because his teacher came and talked to me when I picked him up. She said that he had been really quiet while he was there and during sharing time, or whatever they do, he had told her that he had been mean to his mom and that he needed to apologize to her when he saw her again. He said he had had a bad attitude and he was going to be nicer to her.

I was shocked. To say the least.

He has been much nicer since our break from each other today. So to start with today, I love…

:: preschool ::

:: when my little boy sees that he needs to apologize and be nicer ::

:: playing with the little guy during the day ::

:: the build up to Halloween ::

:: peanut butter :: Could peanut butter be the test I was sent to Earth to face? ::

:: fun new discoveries ::

Do you see twins here?

Um, hello. Get out of my garden. You do not belong. Yes, I am buggist. Get out. This garden is for good bugs only.

I didn’t even take pictures of the fat reprobate that was one bush over. He was as wide as two of my fingers and as long as my hand.

I thought about cutting them in half, but it just made me sick. Just like talking about them now does.

JJ! Get home and take care of this.

I am… timid.

I miss… college and learning.

I think… Hawaii or Italy would be nice places to live.

I know… love.

I want… to be debt free.

I have… no sense of sarcasm. I always think you’re being serious. (I am stealing this from Sarah, because I do the same thing.)

I search… or rather research like crazy. I would rather research than actually do anything about what I am researching. Examples: Decorating, WWII(there really is not much I could do about that), Business, Fitness and Good Dieting, Knitting and Crochet, Finance, Parenting, Gardening, Zeroscaping, Organic Gardening and Yard care. Etc. Etc. Etc.

I wish… Hillary Clinton was still in the race.

I hate… arrogance and ignorance.

I am… not afraid of a conflict.

I fear… water. Large bodies and small bodies. Even if there is really nothing to fear. I freak out. Swimming pools are alright.

I always…

I love… cuddling between getting up and hitting snooze a few times.

I feel… good about the decisions I make. I may take awhile, and it may not make sense to you, but I am confident in my decisions.

I hear… airplanes flying over head, the hum of my laptop. Silence.

I smell… liquid bandaid.

I don’t… want to influence Gentry poorly.

I wonder… what happened to JFK? What happened to Britney? What about Amy Winehouse? How God made our world/evolution happen? When our country will be self-sufficient? What can I do about it? What this change is that I feel fast approaching?

I care… about who the next president will be. About being dependent on other countries for our oil. About high fructose corn syrup in everything. About getting some food storage in the basement. About being about to pay for the new car. About Gentry growing up to be a good and contributing member of society.

I regret… not pursuing art as a child. I was discouraged all along the way, by guess who. I found my way anyway.

I am… strong.

I believe… everyone deserves to be happy, but not at the expense of others. Happiness must come from within.

I dance… in the kitchen, in the evening while making dinner, with JJ and Gentry.

I sing… about kissing girls. 🙂

I write… very impersonally here. I keep my private thoughts to myself now.

I win… at holding my breath underwater. I could be an alligator.

I lose… everything. I call JJ all day asking where things are.

I never… have seen any Batman movies. Sorry Jimmy.

I listen… when others speak.

I can… take forever making decisions about cheap rice or nice rice in the grocery store.

I read… everything. I wish I had more time.

I am… figuring out me.

You can participate as well. I tag Kirsten, Tazia, Kateka and Aubrey J.

This is Henry, she is a girl mouse, not a bear. Sometimes she is naughty and has to sit in the corner. I always need to fall asleep with her.

Love, Gentry

Instead of :: i love friday :: I am going to introduce you all to some blogs that I have recently fallen in love with and that I find refreshingly honest and true to life.

:: Little Red Pen :: is written by the wife of one of jj’s old co-workers. I totally blog stalked her forever and than recently came out of hiding. She and I did the tradeshow (I totally just typed tradeho, and find that some how fitting) circuit together. I love her take on life and her perspective on well, everything. Also, she is gorgeous and is obsessed with the color her hair cannot be. I love this about her. ::

:: Inner beauty is overrated… :: I do not recall how I came across her blog, it could possibly be that she commented on Seriously So Blessed. But I loved her as soon as I saw she was linked here and she says the things I think, but am far to chicken to say. Except to jj, really quietly, at night when the lights are off. ::

:: Loobylu :: quit blogging over a year ago and I was so sad. She recently started up again and I love her, like a long lost lover. She lives in Australia and her seasons are the opposite of mine. Right now she is heading into spring and I am heading into hell. Also, she has the cutest illustration and dollmaking skills. I pretty much wish I was her. I wonder if she is obsessed with Lost like I am? ::