.::still blinking::.

I have been on the news on channels 4 and 5 for the past three days. I can hardly believe my fame. I am not a big part of it and it really has nothing to do with me.

My sister has been paying for a trip to New York with her theater group for the past year. The company they were using to plan the trip, Learning on Location, called the theater teacher Friday at 5 pm and told them that their trip was off and that the company was going out of business because they are bankrupt.

Saturday morning the teacher who was taking my sister, had his wife call my sister and she told her what was going on. The teacher of my sisters theater group from Riverton High School, and a teacher from West Jordan High School held a press confrence and informative meeting at the Hale Center Theater. Because my mom was on a jolly jaunt in Moab over the weekend, I was called as the back-up mother. I went with her. Because the news was there they filmed me and my sister. They got a really good shot of Tazia and you can see different peices of me at different times. Like half my arm or the top of my head. The news has been showing the same footage over the weekend.

But today I went to another meeting at Riverton High School and they filmed me writing things down and did a whole second or two of a pan of my chest. jj is so proud. I kind of look like a hobbit in an orange skirt and the camera always adds ten pounds they say.

I love to see myself on tv. Can’t wait to see the news tonight at 10.

Also, for just a second you can see Gentry’s bobbing jelly bean head peaking over the seats.

I went to the yoga class at the community center on Saturday. I have never been so sore in my life.

I take that back. The time I ran the marathon with out training, I’d say that was the worst. Child birth doesn’t count cause they keep you pretty drugged afterwards. I appreciate that.

I hurt in places that I did not know it was possible to hurt and I keep discovering new areas of hurt. I have done yoga before at a different gym and also with a video that I have. None of those even compare. The girl that taught it would demonstrate a position and then come around and make sure that we were doing it correctly. So we would be holding these positions for about 3 or 4 minutes. When she would come and adjust me I would hurt in completely new places.

At the end of the class there is a relaxation part. She had us all lie down on our mats and close our eyes. She then came around and sprayed us with some sort of sage smelling mist, I guess to help with aromatherapy relaxation. I was not expecting it and started squirming. I probably won’t remember next time.

I think that I will go every time that I am in town. I REALLY liked it.

Also, I came up with a new cute wedding announcement. Did I ever mention that I have my own graphic design/wedding announcement business? I also came up with a cute business card for myself.

Mother,

For breakfast, I would like to eat paint chips and dry wall putty. No, you say. Fine. I will chew holes in the window seels of your new house.

Love,
G

These all read clockwise.

Homemade Pitas and Anzac Bisquits. Yogos. Diana’s Chicken and Sweet Corn Fritters. Orange sections, carrots and celery.

Homemade pitas and anzac bisquits. Annabel’s Vegetable Fritters, these are made of sweet potatoes, pumpkin, potatoes, leeks and mushrooms. The kid ate them which is practically a miracle. Grilled chicken, carrots and celery. Mini 3musketeer, york peppermint patty and yogos.

Red leaf lettuce and grilled chicken. Pitas. Orange sections, carrots and celery. Pineapple jello with cantelope. Cesaer dressing. This made cesaer chicken pita sandwiches. It was good. I also had it for lunch.

Totinos pizza (I know, way less than healthy, but it tastes so good). Orange sections and caramel candy. Pineapple jello and cantelope. Annabel’s Vegetable Fritters.

Pitas and starbursts. Edemame or soybeans, a yummy and high in protein treat. Chocolate pudding and frozen strawberries. jj raved about this. He just mixed it all together and inhaled. Hamburger patties with mushrooms, tomatoes and italian dressing in them. They were really good and did not need mustard or anything on top.

We are running low on food. I shop on Friday. Grilled chicken. Celery and carrots. Yogos. Chocolate pudding and frozen strawberries.

Today, or maybe yesterday, I walked into the bathroom to see my husband and son in negotiations about playing in the toilet. My husband said, “No.” But G was firm in his statements that all his future happiness would be based here and now on whether or not he got to play in the toilet. jj won, thankfully.

I then asked, “Who is my cute boy?” They both looked at me and smiled.

I like them.

How come it is that I can point out any person that walks down the streets faults, but I cannot seem to put my finger on mine and just get over it?

Sometimes, I know that my demons are staring me in the face and I cannot see them. I want to see them, I want to acknowledge their presence and then dismiss them the way you would a servant girl. But somehow I cannot see what is standing right next to me. I know my past, I know my present, and I want the best for my future. I do not want to scar my children because of whatever weirdness I grew out of. And yet I know that it is happening.

I try to avoid it by reading any and all self help books that profess to help me get over myself. Yet, the more that I read them, the more I wonder if that is really the problem.

Sometimes I feel myself coming to a crossroads in my life. I remember I could feel one coming on my junior year of college. I could tell that I was carrying around to much baggage and the my carry on case was too large for where I was heading. So I was required to declutter. At the time, I quit my jobs and stopped lying for my boss. I was then unemployed, but I was able to focus more of my energy on things that really mattered.

Right now I don’t know what it is that I can give up, but there is to much stuff in my over head compartment and I need to do something soon. This time it feels like angry baggage, or toxic waste. I need to toss it out the window and stop carrying with me. Then when I let it go, I need to stop looking back at it and wondering about it. I need to get rid of some anger.

That must be my thing. I am angry in a silent molten kind of way.

The sun sucked up all my energy these past couple of days. Now, all that I want to do it lie on the cold linoleum floor like the gelatinus goo that I feel like and try to get some energy back.

It happens every year. The sun comes out and turns me into some kind of sub-human and I do not function well again until the fall when I can open the windows and smell winter coming.

jj and I went to The Da Vinci Code today. The sad thing is that this is the first movie that I have seen in and theater since Napolean Dynamite came out. Yes, I am that pathetic.

I am going to ruin it for you all. It ends differently than the book.

And even if you are the person who does not participate in pop culture, you really should read it. It is so interesting, not the main story, but all the stuff that is brought up. You know who you are, and I know you know who you are. And I helped you dig your house out of a mountian of dirt, so you should read it so that I can hear your take on it. Because I deserve it. So there.

Pretty early on, after I had had G. I read the book Confessions of a Slacker Mom. I have pretty much done the things that she has done. Her name is Muffy Mead-Ferro, she lives in Salt Lake with her family. I don’t think she is part of the church, I am pretty sure in fact. Anyway. She has raised her children to understand they are not the center of her world, which later would translate, “You are not the center of the world and the world does not revolve around you.”

I think that this is such an important lesson to teach kids. I love my son and would do anything for him. But if I focus all my attention on him and let him know that he is the center of the universe, he will always think it.

Ayelet Waldman said it better then I ever could.

I have also seen this sentiment in other women that I have been around. I went to La Leche League again to see if they could help me with my son not eating. They said that he was fine and I am now starting to work on just eating healthy food and having good snacks available.

This other woman came also. She was on her second marriage, they both had children from previous marriages and a little girl that is the same age as my little boy and she was still breast feeding her. This little girl still slept in her parents bed. The womans husband was starting bugged by it. All the La Leche League woman totally took her side, and gave her advise on how to make her husband see that this was for the good of everyone. I knew that my opinion would be totally out of place and did not share it.

As I have said before, I breastfeed my son for one year, 12 grueling months. I don’t know if I will ever breast feed another child again. It was so hard for me. But, my problems with it was the pain that it caused me at the beginning and the way that it made my hormones out of control. These were physical problems that harmed only me. However, if the breastfeeding had been affecting (or effecting, I don’t know which to use) my marriage, I would have quite immediately. I would have done this because although breastfeeding does help a child with their immunities and brain development, breastfeeding cannot help a marriage that is about to fall apart. And really which is more important to a child? Health or being in a stable family where she knows that her parents love each other, and that they also love her. The question then is are you thinking more of the family or of you and your child. I think that this woman was being selfish and if the husband wants the child out of the bed, then get the child out of the bed. Besides, no one likes and audience. This woman is teaching her child that she is more important than her husband, and she is sending the exact same message to the husband. But I doubt that he will stick it out if this pattern continues. Husbands should be first children should not be able to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. If they are able to do that then the marriage will fail.

There is another woman that I know who is completely in charge of her children. Her husband cannot do anything for them. I don’t know why. I have been places with her and we have been like half an hour from home. Her husband will call her to tell her that the baby is crying and she will pack up and leave as quickly as she can. So the baby is crying? So what? What can she do for this child that the husband cannot? I think that this is a total lack of parenting skills and I think that it drives the husband out of the picture. This womans children’s lives are the focus of their family and the mom and kids are all one happy family as the dad is sidelined and watches. I don’t know why they are this way? But it frustrates me to see a father who does not participate.

What I believe is so important is to make sure that the parents relationship is the one that is in the center of their family. When parents are not the center, then the kids are in constant worry that things are going to fall apart and that they are going to be the reason for it.

When children are brought up to think that their parents world revolves around them then they in turn grow up thinking that the entire world revolves around them and they expect it of everyone and everything. When children are given everything and never have to work for anything they will always expect this kind of treatment. When these children turn into adults they will be ill-equipped at taking care of themselves and functioning, working, thinking and contributing to society, they will be a burden to those that allow themselves to be taken advantage of.

When children are allowed to work to get the things they want and need they are taught about work and the value of it. They grow up knowing what they need to do to get where they want to be. When parents don’t always take care of childrens problems the children learn how to deal with problems. These parents teach their children that struggling is not a bad thing and hard work will eventually pay off.

I have seen this with G. He ran down the driveway one day and fell and hit his head. I, of course, ran and fetched him and hugged him until he felt better. But the next time he started running down the drive way, I did not stop him. He knew the consequences of his actions, but maybe this time he had learned to stop running rather then falling. I watched and hoped he would not hurt himself, and he didn’t. If I had not let him run, how would he or I have ever known that he could do it?

I don’t want my kids to try everything. There are some things that are just wrong that you don’t need to try to know they are bad. But sometimes the parents, who are one loving unit, have to watch as their children struggle, stumble, and fall. But letting them know that they are there for them, and that we love them. Not that we are their strength, but that we know that they have the strength in them. We know they are capable. We know things are hard, but within them is the power and knowledge to do the things that are best for them.

I have been going crazy with the cooking lately. I think because I am trying to get the kid to eat something. So I have been really researching healthy foods and things. The past two weekends I have baked up a storm.

Here are Anzac Bisquits.

Pitas

Mediterranean Breakfast Bake which included the pitas, feta cheese, canadian bacon and a tomato cucumber salad. jj said that it reminded him of his church service in Russia and the food from there.

I also made rolls, but forgot to take a picture of them. They were heavenly. But this is what the yeast left in the bread mixer. Yeast is such a weird and cool thing. I also made a pineapple strawberry trifle and forgot to show that. It was dessert for Mother’s Day.