Where is your boarding pass?
How come it is that I can point out any person that walks down the streets faults, but I cannot seem to put my finger on mine and just get over it?
Sometimes, I know that my demons are staring me in the face and I cannot see them. I want to see them, I want to acknowledge their presence and then dismiss them the way you would a servant girl. But somehow I cannot see what is standing right next to me. I know my past, I know my present, and I want the best for my future. I do not want to scar my children because of whatever weirdness I grew out of. And yet I know that it is happening.
I try to avoid it by reading any and all self help books that profess to help me get over myself. Yet, the more that I read them, the more I wonder if that is really the problem.
Sometimes I feel myself coming to a crossroads in my life. I remember I could feel one coming on my junior year of college. I could tell that I was carrying around to much baggage and the my carry on case was too large for where I was heading. So I was required to declutter. At the time, I quit my jobs and stopped lying for my boss. I was then unemployed, but I was able to focus more of my energy on things that really mattered.
Right now I don’t know what it is that I can give up, but there is to much stuff in my over head compartment and I need to do something soon. This time it feels like angry baggage, or toxic waste. I need to toss it out the window and stop carrying with me. Then when I let it go, I need to stop looking back at it and wondering about it. I need to get rid of some anger.
That must be my thing. I am angry in a silent molten kind of way.