rest
I was put on strict bed rest on Thursday. Like don’t get out of bed. Don’t go downstairs. Don’t walk more than the length of a block. Don’t stand for more than 30 minutes. I was told to basically sit still for a really long time.
Gentry’s pregnancy was not like this. It was kind of difficult. But nothing like this and I had had nothing to compare it to before that.
This pregnancy. Makes me question my strength as a person. I know you are all here to support and help me through this. But I used to run marathons. I used to swim for hours. I used to sweat so hard during workouts that there was a puddle around me. I used to be strong. It is hard to give up that part of me, even for a short amount of time.
I was reading my cousin Sarah’s blog today. She has a link to this video and the following quote:
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing, and so you are not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.” -C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
I was listening and reading the quote at the same time. I could feel myself running again. I could see it in my mind. I could feel the rhythm of it. I could feel the cool breeze of the evening whipping past me. So maybe I need this time to be humbled and tried. I hope things will be better than I could have imagined.