Honestly
“He who is passionate and hasty, is generally honest; it is your cool dissembling hypocrite, of whom you should beware.”
I have a problem with honesty. I have mentioned before.
I have really been thinking about what I should and should not be writing about. Cause, you know, shit happens. But how much of it do I write down. My grandma kept a journal and I was asking my mom about them around Thanksgiving. My Aunt Adele has them now, but she won’t let people read them because they are sad. I know that Grandma Katherine’s life was sad, but it was filled with people who loved her as well. Like me. And my mom. And all of my family.
I was talking to my mother-in-law about this the other day and she said that in church a lady stood and read from her Grandma’s journal, a Christmas entry and that it was really so touching.
So where do I draw the line? Do I pretend that my life is magic, and lucky charms, and unicorns? Or do I include the other stuff as well. Because the other stuff has changed me and made the person I am today, but so have the unicorns. Do I pretend I am happy all the time? I just don’t know exactly.
I have recently started keeping a journal again. JJ kept a journal everyday on his LDS mission to Russia. I have been typing it up and really enjoy his little entries. He even writes about how many rubbles things cost. Is a rubble, like a fruity pebble?
Here is what I think. I write honestly and from the heart. Because sometimes things are magic and sometimes they make me cry in my bed for days. But the thing is, when I have read my journal entries from when I was struggling so much more with life I appreciate the changes that I made and realize I am doing better. And the happy times, well they are fun to remember. Like the first time I kissed my first real boyfriend, and felt the fire. And the time I realized I would probably marry JJ, even when I did not know him well yet. And when I got pregnant. And when the baby kicked. And now. When he tells me about being there when JJ and I got married and how I looked like a princess.
I think being honest is the way to go. Honest and true feelings and thoughts. Those are the things I should share. Because what is the point of writing if I am not sharing the truth.