.::still blinking::.

Yesterday in church, we were discussing what is appropriate to wear to church. One of the young women raised her hand and said, “Nothing above the knee and nothing below (insert something, I cannot remember what she said).” Then she maliciously looked over at one of the other girls who had a shorter skirt on and grinned to herself about her all-knowing goodness. Self-righteous little girl. I thought, I wonder what other lovely doctrine you have been taught.

Then today I realized why this has bugged me so much. She is the embodiment of me at that age. I was the most self-righteous child, and I learned it from home. That’s right the home what was all full of itself with no actual content, love, or honesty. The home that took all blame and placed it outward on the world and taught me what everyone else was doing wrong, because Heaven forbid we actually look inward and discover that we are not perfect.

I remember fighting with a girl in my young women’s class about whether people who had gone on missions were better than those who had not. The girl said that a lot of her brothers had not gone on missions and they were still good people. I argued that people who had gone on missions were better because they were more committed to the Lord and it would show up in all areas of their lives. Oh, what an ass I am. I hate looking back and remembering doing such things and unfortunately that was not the only time.

I am better now, or at least working on being better. I hope that I can teach my children to love all people and to look inward and fix things in themselves to make them better people. I also hope that maybe I can influence Miss Know-it-all.

Tonight at dinner, jj and I were discussing how nice it is that Gentry can talk and ask for the things that he wants, or tell us what is wrong. However, I wish that is all that was coming out of his mouth. The rest of the time I am thinking, “Shut it kid, we just fed you 15 minutes ago and pancake syrup is not a beverage, so stop asking for it.”

Today when we were at the library, where it is generally known that you should be quiet, Gentry would not be quiet. I kept saying, “Shhhhh,” or “be quiet please.” After about the nine hundredth time I had had it with saying it and apperently he had also.

He punched me in the face.

To say the least, I was angry. We left and I forgot to do a timeout. I don’t get the deal with timeouts. Gentry is good and will sit wherever I put him but 10 minutes later he is hitting me again. The only good that they do is that I get to be away from him for a minute and a half, so that I don’t tear his head off.

The other day at church he hit me during the sacrament, so we went out in the hall and had a timeout. On the way back into the chapel, he hit me again, so we went back into the hall and had another. Then when jj came back and sat with us, he hit jj. I am getting a bit frustrated with the kid that does not listen to me, ever. It is so frustrating to know that he understands but refuses to be nice or cooperate.

Any advice? Maybe I should have him neutered. I have heard that makes puppies calm down. Just kidding. But seriously. Arrrrgh.

I went to one of my sisters seventeen wedding showers tonight night. Everyone that had to give a gift had to also come up with some advice to give her. One lady said to treat him like a puppy.

I turned to my sister and said, “Feed him and walk him.”

Later I thought, “Oh, and don’t let him poop on the carpet.”

Sounds like good advice to me.

The Living Scriptures man came to my house today. I hate salesmen. I am an easy sale. When I answered the door I told him that I am not interested. I said that I had Youth Conference in an hour. He said that it would only take 6 minutes, and that he got credit if he came in. He also said I would get a free dvd, I don’t really care about that. I let him come in.

He told me all about the dvds and all the stuff that the company does and blah, blah, blah. During the course of this, Gentry went from happy playful boy to boy on a rampage. For the first 20 minutes he climbed on the coffee table and stood there for a while, continued on to the game cupboard and dumped all games and peices on the floor. Continued to the corner with all the large toys in it and dragged them to all parts of the lower level of our home. After he had bored himself with everything in the house he went into his corner and pooped (in his diaper), he them came back ready to play. He then noticed that I was not paying attention to him, and that the person that was distracting me had a bag of movies. Lucky him. He thought. I would not let him play with the movies, or the guys pen, or the guys keys, or anything the guy had. He burst into tears and started throwing a tantrum. I was really getting bugged, angry kid that stink was helping with my impatience.

If the guy had taken 10 minutes like he had promised, I probably would have bought the movies. But he did not, and the semi-orderly house had fallen apart while he was here and I just wanted to get him out of the house before I had to leave. I told him that I was not interested. He took this as a que to get more free stuff out of his bag of magic tricks. Really, I said, you are very nice, but I am not interested. More free stuff was offered. Seriously, get out of my house. The longer that he was there the more time that I had to think about how much I did not want these movies. Luckily for me.

When he finally left, I realized I was glad that I did not get these movies. Even though I would have gotten like 10 free dvds, a book about the Nauvoo temple, and some cds by the mormon tabernacle choir. I am picky about the amount of church that I let into my house. I love the gospel, but this is not the gospel that Living Scripture is sharing. They just want to make money. Besides that, I had the living scriptures when I was a kid and I did not like them that much. I don’t remember thinking they helped me learn the gospel.

Also, why would I want the media to teach my kids about the gospel? Isn’t that my job? And if these are the same people that are putting out the extreme manuals that I am supposed to be teaching from, then I don’t want it in my house. The guy even brought up that Elder Ballard had given a talk in conference about having good media in the home. Hmmm, I thought, you must be trying to guilt me into this, because I don’t recall the talk and I want to appear to be a good mormon to a complete stranger. Right? No.

I hate Mormons profitting off other Mormons. Most of the time they do it by guilt, making us think that we have to have all the correct paintings, sculptures, etc. And all the fake spiritual music. It makes me gag.

I love the gospel, but I am thinking very carefully about what I am allowing in my home. I will not let certain movies in my home and that includes ALL movies. Just because something claims to be mormon, does not mean it is something that I want to teach my kids.

The end and amen.

Tonight while cooking dinner, I reached up in the cupboard to get the salt and suddenly had that pain in my side like I have been running WAY to hard. I immediately went into frantic death mode and thought about what I would do with the baby while I went to the emergency room. And then, what was jj going to do when I died. And I don’t have a will. And jeez, this really hurts.

So I called ask a nurse, she asked me all sorts of unmentionable questions that were really quite embarrassing. I love discussing every single function of my body with a complete stranger. That always brings a nice close to the evening. Anyway, we went through all the questions and by the time she was done, she informed me that there was probably nothing wrong with me, but that I had probably pulled a muscle. And the pain went away.

I guess I will live through the evening, which really is a relief. Right?

I know I signed up for flickr so I would not have to bog down the window, but I simply had to share these.

Tonight for family home evening we went to the ice cream place at Thanksgiving Point again. This time I documented our indulgence. It was oh, so, good. It is not like we don’t get enough ice cream around here. It is so hot that all I can do is think about taking baths in ice cream.

Also, I thought that I would share a few other things from my camera phone. Over the weekend we went for a hike with our friends Dan and Lindsey. It was really fun. I packed the baby up in the hiker baby carrier. jj did the mountain climbing and the descent. Here are a few pictures of that.

jj and Gentry. They are the men.

In this one Dan is the purple dot with legs in the middle of a huge rock slide. The rock slide is not happening in this picture it happened sometime before, perhaps the day before. What you cannot see is that he is carrying his 6 month old son on his back.

Here we have jj and gentry, Lindsey, and Dan trying to roll a rock down the mountain into the lake. It did not ever work, but they tried really hard to cause another rock slide.

I did not set this up, but I did find it amusing at Macy’s. Oh, the pleasures of being a grocery shopper.

This is the fine speciman of a man that I am married to.

My baby loves anyone above me. I was discussing this with jj the other day.

If Saddam Hussien and I were standing in a room and the baby needed comfort, he would choose Saddam.

Strange, I would think. He is the murderer of millions and totally freaking looking and has crazy eyes. And he probably smells bad.

But seriously, he would choose anyone over me. Even the weapons of mass destruction guy.

I went and saw the poop doctor today.

I know you wanted to know all about my colon so here goes.

If this Doctor was not good looking and funny, I don’t think that I would EVER go and see him. Not that I see him a lot. This is only the second time since the baby was born. But if he was fat, balding and talked in a nasal voice I would not have gone to see him again.

So I went to see him about problems that I have had since the baby was born and he said, “Well I better take a look.” He is talking about my pooper.

He wanted to see it.

“No,” I said,”I don’t think that is a good idea.”

So we kept talking again about my bowels and he said again, “Well, I better see what is going on.”

“No,” I said again. “I really don’t want to show you.”

It is not like I am completely weird or anything, but I really don’t like people to be looking at me from this point of view. I have gotten used to the gyno and all the great views that they get. But really, I don’t like to share views of my deficater.

So he went on to explain what I needed to do so that he could do the exam and left. Jeez, I HAD to show him then. I mean, really that is what I went there for. So the poop doctor could diagnose whatever the heck is going on.

He recommended a colonoscopy, ultrasound, and nerve test to be done. I said, “No.”

I really am not that committed to fixing things today. I need to work up to letting all sorts of people see my nether regions. I mean, really, when you have a baby you have nine months to work up and get used to people seeing your baby maker. I really need some time to let this all sink in, and then maybe I will be able to let everyone see.

Perhaps someday soon I will have pictures of my colon to share with you all. But I really need to get used to the idea first. In the mean time, this is what he sent me home with since I am completely opposed to all things probe like.

I just set up a myspace.com account. Yes, I am truly 14-years old. You can tell by my chest size AND my lack of maturity.

My child comes up with his own words. He knows the correct words but he does what he wants with it to make it his own.

Bug=Buggah, Boogah, Buggas (this is plural) or Bugger. It often sounds like bugger, as in this comes from your nose. He is fastenated with bugs.

Up=Uppie. As in pick me up woman, you are my beast of burden. This often starts as just “up”, but quickly becomes uppie repeated very quickly and then it gets louder. And if that doesn’t work, he will start to climb you by lifting his little leg in the air and grabbing at the waist of your pants or your belt.

Shovel=Sha fie, rhythms with pie. This is what you dig with. For a long time he was saying just “fie” and we did not get it. Recently he has added the “sha” and suddenly it all clicks.

Rock=ock. As in I need to go dig in the dirt with my “fie” and find a “ock” for each hand. He used to repeat this like crazy. Can you imagine? Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock Ock. Say it as fast as you can a lot. For like 10 minutes, or all the way home from work in the confined space of your car.

Beverage=Wahjuice. I need some wahjuice in my cup, no I mean your cup. Everything is better if it is from your cup with a little bit of my back wash in it. This is a combination of water and juice, I think that it favors the juice a little bit more though because water is not usually what he wants and he gets upset with me if he wanted juice and I gave him water.

F-word=as in the mother of all swear words. He says this to mean several different words and everytime he says it I think where did he learn this. I really, REALLY don’t say this one. But he says it to mean flag and sometimes also for frog.

I had my own weird word moment the other day. I felt a little like Jessica Simpson. Gentry has this little flag (you may insert appropriate Gentry word) that he got around the 4th of July. He has pretty much destroyed it and I said to jj, “We better throw it a way, it has been deficated.” As soon as I said it I knew it was wrong, but I could not remember the correct word. jj was rolling in laughter and said, “You mean desicrate.” Oh, right. Yeah. That is what I meant. Is this chicken that I have, or is it tuna? It says chicken by the sea on the can.