May 6 2007

It was hers

One of my favorite necklaces. It was originally Grandma Katherine’s.


Dec 29 2006

Jingle all the way

For the first time in our lives we did Christmas at our own house, and the verdict you ask? I loved it. I don’t know why we did not do it sooner, wait, yes I do. It is because I have never dared cook a Christmas breakfast myself. I did it this year and it was beautiful and delicious. Blessed are the quiche makers. That is what Papasan says. I made this for jj’s family last Christmas and our family this year. We also had sticky buns that were drowned in butter and brown sugar (one of my favorite foods).

jj and I exchanged a few gifts, but going to Hawaii in November was our present for every event this past year. Gentry got a fishing pole, a panda bear, and another little bear. The bears must be with him at all times and we need to change their diapers occasionally and change their clothes also. I am thinking about making them some bear clothing, but mostly just thinking since I don’t know how to do that sort of thing. He also got a little bear chair that must travel with us everywhere. It is a car seat for his bears. He has turned into quite the little mother.

On Christmas Eve we went to my mothers, she had a lasagna dinner and we just played and ran around until it was nearly bed time. We then went home and opened our new pajamas and read the Christmas story from a binder book that jj’s mom helped us make.

Gentry got some great loot, so did jj and I from our family and friends. We are very thankful to you all. I am very excited about the pan with holes in it for french bread loaves. SO EXCITED!

The day after Christmas we went up to Logan where jj’s parents live, we spent two days there. While we were there my little boy started cuddling with me. He has never been a cuddly boy and I loved it. I did not dare move in case he remembered that cuddling is not his thing and he better get the heck out of there. I wanted to close my eyes and stay this way forever.

We had a great Christmas.

Also, you may be wondering about my mom’s “boyfriend,” or not. He got my mom some nice presents, that was never something my dad could do. He always depended on me to choose stuff for him to buy. I was impressed that he had paid enough attention to her to understand who she was and what she likes. Also, I would rather hang round Mark than my dad. Mark complements my cooking, that may be all that I ever get from him but it is more than I ever got from my dad. And it is enough just to be noticed.


Dec 5 2006

That love is watching someone die

The anger was not gone today. While working out it got even worse and I wanted to go and punch her in the stomach. So I prayed that the pain would go away. I hate the anger and frustration I feel. I hate even more the way I treat Gentry when I am angry.

This song came onto my shuffle and the pain and anger were gone. For now.

What Sarah Said
Death Cab for Cutie

And it came to me then that every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I’ve already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s gonna watch you die? So whos gonna watch you die

“That love is watching someone die”

Maybe I will never have to watch a person die. But watching someone hurt themselves hurts just the same.


Dec 4 2006

Freedom

I am done, in several areas. Whining and anger are two of these areas. Tonight when midnight hits I am through with the negative thoughts.

Do you think it is possible? I will let you know how I do tomorrow.


Dec 2 2006

More Contradictions

Because my family gossips, I found out that my cousin Mariah has a tattoo. My dad told him that “The Church” frowns on that. Interesting, I thought. They also are not fond of castration and do-it-yourself man boobs. But I guess I we are not talking about that.

I’d love a tattoo. I just cannot think of a place to put one that will not end up with stretch marks down the middle of it. Can you just imagine, I get a japanese-esque branch with apple blossoms on my back where everyone else has one and it ends up looking like her. Make sure you scroll down.