Weeman played with his friends today. It was nice to have a little time to not cut out Super Heroes and Villians.
I worked on cleaning my room, work, and church related stuff.
I have been thinking…
I don’t remember what having a new baby is like. I remember I couldn’t do much for months, maybe years. But it, all of it, was so hard for me last time. Weeman’s pediatrician, who is actually a family doctor, told me that everything that I was facing was bad. Why didn’t he do anything to help me? Or at least medicate me so that I didn’t mind so much.
Is it going to be better this time? I feel better this time. I don’t lie in the tub and cry all day. I am not planning my escape to San Diego. Although today was a hard one for my mom and I offered to drive to Mexico. Actually the beach and ocean sound so nice, if I wasn’t carrying a huge, hard basketball inside of me. I am imagining a slender me with a couple kids and small waves and warmth and no sharks.
But the new baby? Am I going to survive? Will we be friends? Will Weeman still be my boyfriend? And there are all the medical questions as well, that I don’t really want to share. But I am scared and worried. I wasn’t worried about the delivery last time, probably because I didn’t know the endless possibilities of things that could go wrong. Now I know. And I am worried. Even though it is c-section. I still worry that it is going to be the same.
I emailed him once to find out how he gets to hairless. He said he shaved. I have been thinking about this a lot with the impending c-section and decided that maybe shaving would be a better option than waxing and the impending ingrown hairs.
I am still baffled at how he is so beautiful and hairless. How is is possible? I should be the pretty hairless one.
We went over to my mom’s house a little bit ago to sew Gs Halloween costume. She made a list when we left of ways she could tell that he had been there. I thought I had cleaned up. Apparently not.
:: a half eaten orange creme yogurt left out ::
:: two pencils were sharpened ::
:: two paper airplanes were made ::
:: a mug of hot chocolate left out ::
:: raisin bag left on counter ::
:: Kung Fu Panda left running on DVD player ::
:: candies used as game pieces in the Mancala game ::
I am having a hard time sleeping lately. It is so uncomfortable to have 9 bowling balls hanging off the front of me. Seriously. Also, the little guy is reverting back to old behaviors. It affects my sleeping and it is hard.
Today I was lifted up by this quote by President Hinckley, “Never forget that these little ones are sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship with them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interests in these His little ones. …Rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones. Welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them will all of your hearts. They may do, in the years that come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried.”
And I was lifted by this post by NieNie, Who’s love and graciousness is inspiring.
Between bouts of dire tiredness, I have had so much energy. I am either super high or lying on the floor willing food to get into my mouth and give me some energy. In the past three weeks, I feel like I have accomplished a ton. The updated list is below, and if I could cross off things half way a bunch of these would be nearly completed as well.
I even went to the doctor the other day and we decided on a day for the c-section. Things are really moving along. Except for the part that I feel like this is never actually going to happen.
JJ is being very sweet and sleeping on the couch so that I can toss and turn all night. Or watch movies back to back at 3 in the morning. He is also working very hard to get all of the things on the list crossed off. He even came home from work one day for lunch so that I could take a nap without Gentry talking to me every 5 minutes.
P.S. I love the paint color and bedding so much. We are in love. We are lovers. Forgive the quality of the photo, it was taken at night with my phone.
The list:
1- Decide on a name. We might be close. I really believe in seeing the baby before you decide, got to make sure she looks like her name. 2- Rearrange my room.
3- Organize my room. Very close, just need to figure out what to do with the piles of paper.
4- Clean carpets. Done everywhere except my room and the hall. 5- Get office out of her room and put in my room. 6- Clean out under my bed. 7- Paint her room Silver Screen from Behr.
8- Organize her clothes. Girl clothes are so different from boy clothes. Bloomers? Tights? What the heck? 9- Finish the quilt for her.My mom has taken over for me, this has been a lesson in frustration. I have sewed it halfway, twice. And unpicked it that many times as well. She is so sweet to do that for me. 10- Remove Gentry’s curtains from her room and put up in his room.
11- Get down there professionally waxed. I talked to the doctor about this. I don’t need to get EVERYTHING removed, just the top portion. I think JJ can take care of that for me. Is that to much information? He does a good job, I think. I can’t really see it anymore.
12- Create some art to hang in her room.
13- Get all Christmas shopping done, especially for Gentry. We have some. For you and you and you. Gentry is going to love what he is getting. I am so excited to give it to him. 14- Buy a crib bumper without airplanes on it.
15- Put up the Christmas tree early in November. Can’t do that yet, but Halloween is up and frighteningly tasty.
