.::still blinking::.

I never knew that silicone had so much to do with the new wave of technology.

It is amazing that silicone breasts are supposed to intise you into buying anything from mirror tv’s to Olé touchpads.

Fortunately for jj’s company they are not banking on my silicone, or lack there of, to make them any profits.

But in the world of consumer electronics, the men that are in charge know that the men that are buying are first impressed by the women who entice them into the booth, and then they will maybe want to know about the product they are trying to sell. I saw several girls in the evocative little outfits. What that has to do with a wall mounted plasma screen, I don’t know.

I was also amazed that to also get people into their booths, there were companies giving out beer. I know that beer is probably the most preferred beverage in the world. Even over water. But how alcohol helps someone make logical business decisions, I don’t know. Lets get all the men here impaired and then try to get them to sell our product. Good idear.

I was living at jj’s grandparents house while I was trying to find a new apartment. The one that I was going to live in fell threw. I was living in the upstairs guest bedroom, jj was in the basement. We technically lived together before we were married.

I was on my way to work and jj could hear me upstairs getting ready to go. I was about to leave and he called me on my cellphone and told me that I needed to come and watch what was on tv. I told them that I had to go, or I would be late. He told me it was important.

I went down into the basement, where the tv is. jj grandparents were watching the news. They informed me of what was going on. I sat down for only a few minutes and watched and then I had to go to work. I worked in the computer labs at Utah State University. When I got to work, we turned one of the computers to one of the news stations that had live feed from the Trade Towers. People who came to school that day stood around that computer and just watched in amazement. We could not believe what we were watching. I worked and did what I was supposed to while this was all going on.

jj called me later, and told me that one of the towers was going to collapse. When the first one fell, he told me that lots of buildings where going to fall. They would all damage each other.

When I was finished with work, I went back to jj’s grandparents house and went into the basement and found his grandparents in the same places and positions that I had left them in four hours earlier. I stayed with them until my drawing class started. I was sure that the teacher would let us leave and not have to go to class today. I was wrong. She said, the best way we could fight against this sort of thing was to keep going. We needed to not shut down, we needed to persist in living. I knew she was right, but I yearned to fall asleep and wake up from this bad dream. I was sure that nothing would happen in Logan, Utah. But I was scared anyway.

In the days that followed. I was constantly hooked up to any news source that I could find. I would be doing my homework on a computer and have msnbc.com live news feed playing in the background. Weeks after the towers fell I was still hoping that they would find people alive. I knew that it was not possible, but I wanted it so badly.

I was amazed that we never saw the people that they pulled out of those crushed skeletons of buildings. At first I really wanted to know what had happened to them. Later I understood that out of respect they did not let people like me know what had happened.

On October 5th, 2001, jj proposed to me. We continued to live. But I still searched for any link to these people who had perished. I found a website that had phone messages from people who were trapped in the towers. They knew they were going to die and they had called their loved ones to tell them that they loved them. There was one from a woman to her husband. I don’t remember everything that she said, but she ended it saying, “I love you always.”

I had that inscribed on the inside of jj’s wedding band. I have thought of other things that I would have liked to have put in their since. But at the time, it seemed the most appropriate.

I did not know anyone who was killed that day. I was not personally affected. But I was awakened to the type of world that we live in. In that way I was changed forever.

My cousin Sarah is hilarious.

Cuke kids on the sand piles at my family reunion. Wouldn’t it be funny if they were all really a bunch of cucumbers in clothing.

Genty refused to keep his feet buried.

I got a little irritated with all the older kids throwing sand and eventually I turned into the safety patrol. I would take away toys and almost got to the point of making kids have timeouts.

There was one little girl who spit in my sister Kateka’s face. We went and told her dad and he was like, oh, she is just at that age. And laughed. What? No wonder she is part devil, her dad is completely devil. There is no appropriate age for spitting.

Next year when I go back and spend the entire time sitting on the sand, “diggin.” That is how Gentry says it. I am going to kick kids off the sand pile for being brats. I don’t care if their parents aren’t going to discipline them, I am going to let them know that there is someone in charge here and I am going to make kids be nice. There will be, “NO THROWING SAND ON THE SANDPILE!”

Now sit down and be nice you little terd.

Isn’t jj hilarious? He took this picture.

I went to a town called Tabiona this weekend for my mom’s family reunion. Her grandpa used to own the mountain, and slowly sold little bits of it off. My mom now has a little piece of land as do all my aunts, uncles, and their cousins.

There is a little communal piece of land that is owned by my mom’s family that we have a big pavilion on and it has room for lots of campers and tents and things. We go up yearly to play in the mountains and pay homage to our ancestors.

My mom grew up on this mountain, she knows all the little secrets places and lots of fun stories. I only know it as old and run down, not the kind of place that you would want to spend a lot of time unless you like to slow way down and take it easy. That is the atmosphere here.

Notice that most things are the color of rust.

For my hundred and first blog entry, I am going to tell of an injury that I received yesterday.

I work for my uncle who is a foot doctor. I don’t do anything cool and I only see feet on myself and in magazines. I don’t see any actual work being done. I am just the medical filer.

Why, you ask, would I be doing such a job when I also am running my own business and trying to raise a toddler? Well, because I am a sucker and I cannot say no and they need help. They were kind enough to give me a job when I moved from Logan to Salt Lake and now I am doing one of the most boring jobs ever. Although it is not nearly one of the most disgusting jobs ever. I leave those to anyone who deals with any kind of poop, be it human or animal. Those would be the absolute worst, followed closely by gyno, who also must deal with poop on occasion, and is on call for the rest of their days. Also, I go in on the night of my favorite tv shows so instead of sitting at home being a human wasteland, I am at work being a human wasteland and getting paid for it. Logical.

Yesterday, I was in doing my filing when I got a paper cut. Not just your average paper cut, it was from a file folder, underneath my right index fingernail. You may gag now. This is one of those kind of injuries that everytime you think about it, your brain tries to fold in half and squirm out of your head. Like there is some kind of sensory overload. Have you ever put a snail in a baggy with salt and watch it squirm in total upheaval of its upcoming death? Neither have I, but it is the same kind of feeling. Actually, my old roommate Lori did that. I am only guilty of putting grasshoppers in the microwave. That is a quick death.

Now I cannot type correctly. I cannot use my finger pad like normal, I have to bring my finger to a point and use my nail. I doesn’t hurt as badly that way.

I have a weird fascination with Bruce Willis.

I don’t really know much about the guy, but for years I have been having dreams about him. I have let jj know that if he ever dies, I am going to move to Idaho and find Bruce and get him to marry me. jj counters, that if I ever die, he is going to find a college freshman (preferably lesbian) and get her to marry him. Fair is fair. So whatever.

I dream about Bruce a lot, like probably two or three times a month. It is not like naughty dreams or anything like that. Mostly, I just dream that he is around. I don’t know if he even knows who I am in the dreams. Except there was the one dream where he tried to rape me and I twisted off his head, but he was not actually human. He was a robot and there was all kinds of strange wiring in him.

I don’t know what movies he is in. I see him on David Letterman once in a while. He is old. I did not know how old, so I looked it up the other day, he is a year older than my mom. But you know, he has probably got old man boobs. Gross.

I don’t know where this comes from. He is probably worth millions, that is always attractive.

We all remember how demoralizing high school was. It is like being slowly whittled away until you are no longer an actual person, but a strange copy of several other people. You strive so hard to be one of the cool people, repeatedly falling short, but waking up the next day knowing that today is your day. You are going to make it.

My sister-in-law just started high school. Although high school is better than junior high, it is not much better.

To make things even better, jj has offered to follow her around school, wearing a helmet, holding a boom box on his shoulder, and yelling, “Katie likes guys!” While sounding more like a seal with larangitis, then an actual person. I found it incredibly funny when he would randomly yell this while we were with her this weekend. Katie would melt into the floor and try to disguise herself like her surroundings, like a chameleon.

A lot of times I get answers to questions I have in my dreams. Maybe not answers, but just thoughts that I need to put into place in my life.

I don’t remember what I was dreaming one time, but I remember that Gentry was there and someone said to me or I just thought, “He is a person too.” That really struck me. I don’t think of him as a person, he seems more like a really needy extension of myself. But he is a person with thoughts and feelings and valid needs.

Today, Gentry and I were taking a bath together. We also had a bowl of raisins that he was washing in the bath water and eating. I know, way gross. Sometimes it is not worth the fight. I had the thought again. He is a person too. I need to stop ignoring him, I need to embrace him as the little guy that he is.

It is my responsibility to raise him in a good and honorable way. I am not sure what way that is, I don’t think that I was raised in the way that I want him to be raised. I want him to feel loved no matter what or who he is. I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself and just be who you are. If you are honest with yourself, you will be honest with others.

He is my little guy. I like him, no matter what.

I have a confession.

Those who are not into pop culture should stop here.

About a month ago, I checked out all the Newlywed DVD’s from the library and watched them as fast as I could. I could not get enough of them. I stayed up until like 4 in the morning several nights in a row.

It was so addicting to watch the ill-fated Nick and Jessica hack at each other until they drove each other crazy and had to get divorced to get away from each other. It was like watching Titanic, you know what is going to happen and yet you cannot look away.

My favorite episode is when she was trying to say Massachusetts. Mass-a-two-shits. I am so not kidding, that is really how she said it.

There was also the time that Jessica bought Nick a $50,000 dollar watch that was diamond encrusted. Before the big party Jessica got it out to show to some of her friends. One of the friends said, “He is going to love it, I bet he will cry.” What? He will probably cry that she spent so much on it and what man does anyone know that would really want to wear a diamond encrusted watch? The only people that I can think of are rappers and…that is pretty much it.

I think that jj would rather cut off his left arm then wear a diamond watch.