.::still blinking::.

When are you going to stand up for anything? Anything! Take a stand. Say something.

If someone broke in, who would be the one to protect?

Expecting actions, only getting meaningless words.

– gentry running to me to hug my leg –
– watching him fly through the house like Superman –
– Take 5 ice cream –
– Get Ripped 1000 Workout DVD–
– playing in the snow –

– rosy cheeks –
– so many left overs there is no need to cook –
– hidden kisses in the closet –
– dinner at friends comfy condo –
– this fairy tale studio –

I am going to start posts about things that I love. I got the idea from here, she does it every week. And on a day when lots of little things are bugging me, I want to change my attitude. So here goes.

He is so cute. He was getting over the baby acne he had for a long time. He was probably 3 months here.

Have I ever mentioned my love for photography? In college I took photo 1010. I was in the processing lab for hours. In the pitch black dark rooms, processing film. In the developing room getting the perfect shades of dark and light. Out taking pictures of everything. With different exposures and with different methods. I love black and white photography. jj and I are considering putting a photo developing lab in the basement, we are measuring the usefulness of it against a basement bathroom. Maybe it could be a shower/developing lab. That could be cool. I will post some of that photography later. It looks like student work, but I really like it. I like the process of making something completely by myself.

That is why I changed from all of my other majors in college to art. I love creating and I do a lot better at that then at tests and memorizing facts. I can stay up all night working on a project. Staying up to memorize accounting wasn’t worth it to me, I flunked it once. I just decided not to take the final. Staying up all night to perfect a book cover was completely worth it. I love what I do. However, I stay up all night these days to clean up throw up and love a little one. Still very worth it.

We started feeding him rice cereal around 4 months, but only rarely. We did not buy a high chair for a long time. We fed him in his swing.

The other day I found a roll of film and took it in to get processed. I did not know what it would be of as I could not remember ever seeing it before. It is from right after we moved into this house before we had the digital camera, which I love. But not in the same way. Digital is instant and you don’t have to worry about mistakes. There is something comforting about film. The pictures are of Gentry as a baby and of Tazia, my sister, going to some dance in her Titanic replica dress. She is cute.

These pictures are nothing I am terribly proud of. They were just a pleasant surprise to find.

I am mesmerized by the baby in the top picture.

The view from my bedroom window this morning.

We played with play dough. He made a spider.

I made a snake.

Considering what needs to be build next and if mom is getting in the way.

Elephant.

I don’t think that I could possibly let you know how completely frustrated I am with that child. The shapoopie. After the 407th time out today, I am about to loose it. He does not care.

For a snack after his nap today, I got a yoplait cup of yogurt. “Put it in a yeddow cup.” I did. “Not a big spoon, an orange spoon.” Yes your majesty. “Sit down.” Of course, where else in the world would I be but sitting across from you watching you smear yogurt all over yourself. I get the first bite ready to enter his wailing and gnashing little mouth. “I’m done.” He did not want yogurt at all. But he especially did not want it sitting next to him if I had not performed several acts of servitude first.

So I get him down, we had two more time outs, and I ask him if he wants to help me vacuum. He does, and he goes to get his vacuum. I almost finish vacuuming the stairs when I have had enough of his crying and whaling over the vacuum. I have to leave. I have barricaded myself in the office and I don’t know if I am ever going to come out. I may just go out the window, jump off the patio and run away.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and it sounds to me like it just gets worse as your kids age. I will forever be Cinderella. And people keep asking me when I am going to have another. The truth is I don’t know if I am ready for the one that I have. It is a challenge everyday.

Also, I don’t like babies that much. If you can believe it, I like the age the Gentry is at right now so much more than when he was a baby. Babies don’t do anything. The reason I have not held your baby is because I have absolutely no desire to. He is cute and I am very glad that you like him. You are darling with him. If I held him and talked to him I would say things like, “Sit up straight!” “Stop drooling!” “Be reasonable!” I just don’t see how a three month old can be any fun. I have held my niece Lilly maybe 4-5 times. Not much. She is not one yet. When she comes to the age to be chased and played with I am sure that I will be doing it all day. I like that so much more.

Isn’t raising a child, like babysitting gone terribly wrong? When are his parents going to come pick him up? I need a break.

I make judgments almost immediately about people, situations, almost anything. It is like I am trying to make sense of everything going on around me at all times.

Remember this post? I wonder what is up with the little girls I was babysitting at the end of it. It was only one of the little girls and it turns out the little girl has diabetes but no one knew it at the time. I feel like such and jerk. While she was at my house she laid unmoving on my bed for probably three hours. She was drinking and going potty constantly. I could tell there was something wrong, but I did not know what it was. When her mom came to get her I told her she had been really lethargic and wanted drinks all the time. I just found out about this. The little girl is four. I am sad, sick and sorry about it.

There are explicatives included in this blog entry.

Dear mothers who attend Daybreak playgroup,

No, let me start again.

Dear Mother of Mattie-

Your son is the devil. I guess you think that I am going to fall for the same disillusionment that you are under if you call him some cute derivative of his actual name. If that were the case you would be calling him shitty or son of a harlot-ie. I am not falling for it. Your complete lack of ability to watch your son is astonishing. I have watched him climb atop the ballerina bars and jump off. He is four. I guess you figure when he falls and breaks his arm you can sue the community center for letting you in and for carelessly assuming you are a responsible adult.

However, next time your son walks over and even pretends to hit my son I am going to come unglued. My son, although a little high strung, is nothing compared to the raving hyena your son is. I am tired of him taking my sons toys away, coming over to hit a ball out of his hands and just plain acting rabid. I think next week I am going to sit by you and let you know that I am going to be disciplining your son each and every time he comes near mine.

Wanna see a mama bear in action? Just try me. I am not that nice and I am not loyal to those who do not raise their children. Why even have them if you were not going to be paying any attention to them at all? Did you know that the play group is not about mass ignorance of your kids? It is about watching your kids and their interactions with others. It is about sharing and learning to play and not hitting and being nice. But why am I telling you this? You are about as useful as a squashed bug.

Unglued. I am coming unglued. I will be glad when the sun comes out and I can watch kids beat my boy at the splash pool. I will be just as nice and understanding there. And if your child drowns because you cannot take the time to watch him, that is your deal, not mine.

Love,
Makayla

{Update: Turns out jj served his mission for the LDS Church with this exact same girl. She was a space cadet then as well.}

Annie had such a touching post today.

Wanna hear my thoughts today. This is why I am not asked to babysit much, I would not ask myself to babysit either.

We went to the post office today. I sell stuff on ebay. I have gotten rid of a few nick nacks and lots of scrap booking crap. I mean crap when I say it. I HATE scrap booking, but it seems to be the Utah National Past time, that and crystal meth. About a year ago I was roped into signing up for a year membership with a local stamping company. It was kind of fun, in the remotest kind of way, and extremely expensive. I have not made up when I spent on the scrapbook crap. But I am nearly rid of it. If I want to make a card, from now on I will be making them on the computer, which I far prefer. I make cute cards.

Gentry and I went to the post office today to send my unwanted stuff to all regions of our country tis of thee. As soon as we walked in the door Gentry walked off and stood by the packaging while I stood in the line to talk to the postal workers. He stood just behind a kiosk and watched me and would not come when I called. I finally went over there and grabbed him and I seriously had to restrain myself from pinching him with my crab pincers. It really crossed my mind. Stop it, I told myself and the thought left my mind. And then returned in the thought of how ’bout a pinch in the bottom, just to show him who is boss. That is me the boss with the white hot pincers. I mean it when I say get over here.

As we were standing in line he turned into the child made of jello. I now had a little jello turd sliding down the side of me. To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. I would pull him back up the side of me and scold him to which his reply would be, “Oh yeah! I am the jello turd and I mean business. See, I am down to your knee again and if you would just let go of my shirt I would be half way across the room. As it is I am wasting a lot of energy running dangling from your arm in mid-air like an excited puppy.”

When we finally made our way to the front desk, the lady offered him a sucker. That was really nice of her. However, couldn’t she see the remains of goldfish and juice on me and him. I mean honestly, how much more hopped up are we trying to get the kid. Just one more sucker wouldn’t hurt right? Maybe not him, but I am sure after about 27 licks he would have chucked it right into the back of my head and it would have been entangled in my hair. If I was now restraining my white hot angry pincers, I don’t know if I could have handled it any longer. I am sure my happy disposition would have been gone for the day as well as the appendages of my child.

Every day I try to do two activities with Gentry. Don’t be impressed. I said try, most of the time they are not this impressive. We usually pull out the board games and play with the pieces or I print out pictures off the web of Curious George and we color them.

This day we painted, it is washable paint. His favorite colors are orange and yellow. He gets to use the bottle of paint and I use the lid. When the paint from the lid is gone I don’t get anymore. He is not great at sharing yet. We are working on it.

What he is great at is hiding things. IN HIS NOSE! Guess what I found there today. A piece of popcorn. I knew it was this because I smelled it. I had to, it was orange and I could not figure out what it was. It must have been a fresh piece or that lovely buttery smell would have been gone. It was also covered in nose slime. Any dry heaving?

Later I cut pictures from a magazine and he tapped them to the wall in my bed room. A couple of weeks later the activity was to pull all the pictures off of the wall. He liked both activities. Also, in the morning when he would wake up he would come into my room and talk about what all these pictures were. Those are Fruity Pebbles Flintstones on the bottom.

jj would totally say something like that.

This image comes from The Argyle Academy.