.::still blinking::.

I have been feeling a bit violent lately. Poor JJ.

Not that I actually do anything violent except try to throw up.

But I threaten it. Poor JJ.

All through Sunday School yesterday I threatened to punch him. He would look over at me and I had a beady little fist ready for his eyeball. I kept telling him I was going to punch him. He told me he was going to move away from me. I told him if he did I would punch him.

I think the violence is more of a frustration thing coming to a head. The thing that is in me that is making me be on bed rest is not getting better and not getting worse. What does that mean? Um. Laying in bed made it not get worse. Or better. Which makes me think that that was a waste of time? And I should have watched better movies or read better books. Or I should have just exercised because it probably would be the same.

Anyway, the update. The kid looks like Skeletor, but the ex-ray tech said it looks girly. Whatever. Skeletor looks girly with a bow and some lipstick. So does this guy I dated in high school. Ha.

Also, the doctor said I could start doing things again. So I went to Ikea and did a lap. And pulled weeds and looked at the ring of slime in my toilets. I am not doing that. The stink. Is repulsive. I should do it anyway.

And the thing is, if I loose this baby, I loose this baby. And that is the way it was supposed to be. But I have tried to do all I can. I have done what the mid-wives online say. I have done what my doctor says. I have done what I am supposed to have done. There is nothing more I can do and so I just have to put it in the Lords hands and let it be his will.