Opinions
My baby is one year old and he has opinions about everything.
What to eat for breakfast? I, the baby, the one who is in charge here, will take applesauce, half of whatever you are eating and I would like you to go and get me some fresh sausage, and some 4 minute eggs.
Don’t change my diaper. I am aware that there is poop leaking out all corner of the universe and I like it that way. And as soon as you open the flap I am going to get up and leave you with the mess. Why would I, the prince of the house, clean up something so obviously disgusting? I can see your face and I do not let bothersome disgustingness occupy my time.
I want to play in your bathroom drawer. I know that there are toys in my parents room, in the hall, in my room, they are everywhere. But you are getting stuff out of your bathroom drawer and I want to get it out of there also. I don’t care that is bobby pins and mascara remover, you are getting joy out of the drawer and not letting me have any happiness.
I don’t want to get out of the tub. You put me in here and now that you have given me a complete pat down, you want me to get out. I don’t think so, I would rather climb the walls of the shower with my little soapy seal body than get out of the tub. And when you lay me down to wash my hair I am going to kick so hard that I tranfer all the water from the tub to the sweater that you are wearing. I don’t care that this is your eighth wardrobe change of the day, I like variety in my life, except when it comes to anything that you want to do.
I want you to sit on the floor all day with me. Not that I need you so that I can have fun. No, I need you as a stepping stool so that I can reach the things that you put out of my reach. And if I crawl away from you that does not mean that you can move. It means that my attention has been temporarily diverted to something else, but if you get up and move than it will immediately come back to you. I will let you know how little attention you spend with me by screaming as loud as I can.
I will scream at you when you don’t get my food fast enough. I will scream at you when my bottle runs out of milk because I, like I little parasite, will drain everything that you got. I will scream at you when you are not looking at me. I will scream at you when I am tired. I will scream at you when I have just waken up from a nap, because you were not in the room watching me, waiting for when I would wake up. I will scream at you when you get me dressed. I would rather go around all day with no clothing (just like dad). I will scream at you all day long, maybe for no particular reason at all. Just because I am bored and you are not that entertaining.
He is so opinionated, and I don’t know where he gets it.