.::still blinking::.

I dreamed, last night, that I was in negotiations with the boundaries I would have with a certain person for the rest of my life. His dad was there and as per usual was being demeaning and condescending, but calling all the shots.

I am awake now, but the stress of the situation is still weighing on me as I know that eventually something of this nature is going to actually happen unless JJ and I sell this house and move to Italy/The Netherlands. Which is not such a bad options.

Boundaries are a funny thing. Until recently I have shared all and everything with anyone that asks. I thought I was supposed to, and I really feel like it is part of my nature. So finding out I did not need to share with one and all was a shocking discovery that I struggle with. There are things I want to share almost all the time that I don’t, or am learning to not, but the thoughts are always in the back of my head wanting to burst out of my nearly uncontrollable trap.

I have been teaching myself manners, by reading about them. I learned propriety from a book. And the only reason why is that I have been on these business trips and been humbled when I let some unruly run-on sentence burst from me, only after interrupting others and making a complete fool of myself.

I now find myself apologizing for my stupidity quite often.

I used to be a picky eater until I married JJ and realized that good food doesn’t always look good. JJ’s mom, Kim, was grilling some ribs outside on the grill. I walked out, took one look at the nasty looking things and I kid you not, said, “Who would eat that?”

JJ’s sister, was standing there and said, “I would.” I walked away and did not think anything of what I had just said.

Later I realized what a fool I had been and apologized. I am learning that keeping my mouth shut sometimes is better than saying anything at all. Thank you Thumper. I am learning that not saying everything that pops into my noggin is not such a bad idea.

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship. –Louisa May Alcott–