my own personal spending bill

Today was a crappy day in the neither regions.

Ha. That was kind of funny. In writing only. The actual experience, not the best.

It really makes liquid diets a whole lot more appealing, or just plain not eating.

But a friend brought over chocolate lovely cupcakes and I want one so badly. Seriously. I just fear the outcome. Immodium has become my vitamin of choice.

And than I found this support website for people with this problem and it was so depressing I just could not even read it. Because, even though I was diagnosed and given the exact wording and spelling and told how it would be fixed, those people are not like me. I am better, smarter, sexier. And only my body has the problem, not my heart or soul. So somehow, even though this is the worst, I don’t feel like it is me and won’t be me forever.

Hopefully. Seriously.

I have been reading NieNie lately. I am assuming she is worse off, but how do people deal with problems and keep the desire to keep going. She does it so eloquently, yet it is so harsh and real.

I am definitely focusing on the absolute worst case scenario in saying that I am assuming this is never going to get better, or that I am eventually going to end up with a bag, but it is so super frustrating and especially when I have a bad day. However, the Dr. told me it will be fixed and possibly be in better than original condition.

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I guess this is like a classic car rebuild. Right now I am sitting in an empty field feeling like an old, rusty, beat up car, but eventually I am going to get all fixed up and feel shiny and new again. I hope.

Man. I am going to go and buy those earrings I have been coveting for about a month. Because spending our hard earned cash is like my own personal crack cocaine.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 11th, 2009 at 4:13 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “my own personal spending bill”

  • Kateka Says:
    March 13th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    That is how I feel about the bladder thing… with the websites of other people having the same problem and them saying that they have a horrible quality of life, etc. So depressing. I can’t read those sites because it just scares me. I have to remember I control my thoughts and a lot of time, my thoughts control my body. It’s so hard to be optimistic when you are scared though. I am glad your bum-bum is going to turn into an old classic car. I think Gentry will really like that.

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