.::still blinking::.

When I got to college I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. Once in eighth grade I wrote a story, I got a c on in then. When I was in high school I entered in the Reflections contest and won. This is the story.

“Can I ride in the wagon now Mama?” I asked, knowing the answer but hoping by some shred of luck I might get a ride, just this once.

“Angeline,” replied my mother. “You know that the oxen are very tired and don’t need extra weight in the wagon. They are just as tired as you are, you know.”

Suddenly a bell rang, it indicated that we should bring out wagons into the circle because this is where we would stay the night. To me it meant it was time to explore the rolling prairie. I headed straight for a small hill covered with bluebells.

“Don’t wander far!” my mother called after me.

“I won’t!” I called back to her.

I ran to the hill and picked as many flowers as my arms could hold. They I lay down on the flowers enjoying their fresh, sweet smell while I caught my breath.

To my right I could hear the quiet babbling for a brook. I got up and walked over to it. In the sunlight it looked like a trail of diamonds. I followed it for a while, pretending I was the Queen of England.
Then in the distance I saw a deer and chased it into a cluster of trees. I put my flowers down on an old, dead tree stump and ran between and around every tree until I thought I had them all memorized. I realized the sun was going down and decided to go back to camp.

“Which way should I go?” I asked aloud, startled by my own voice.

I ran to the old tree stump, picked up my flowered and walked the way I thought the brook was. I walked a little farther and noticed I was not getting closer. I realized I was lost. I walked over to a big rock and sat down on it.

I then remembered something my mother had once told me. I repeated it in my head, “Angeline, if you ever get lost, stay where you are. It will be easier for us to find you. Remember that Angeline.”

I lay down on the rock, and watched the sun go down and thought of my prophet Brigham Young. He was leading us from Nauvoo to the Salt Lake Valley. I thought about my dog C.B and how much I had loved her. We had had to leaver her in Nauvoo.

I felt my eyelids get tired and heavier and then close. I dreamed about my dog C.B. She was a lot bigger though, and had a lot more hair. I dreamed she licked my face then ran away to chase a rabbit.

“Angeline, wake up, Angeline” I heard someone say, then three gun shots rang out through the air. I sat straight up and opened my eyes. I realized the shots were to notify everyone back at camp that people had found me.

“Papa!” I cried, reaching up for my father to give me a big hug.

“I am so delighted to see you Angline.” he said with tears running down his cheek onto mine.

“How did you find me Papa?” I asked.

“Well,” he smiled, “Your mother told us the direction you had gone. We went that way for a while, then noticed a trail of flowers that led straight to you. We figured you dropped them as you walked.”

“Look Angeline,” said my father pointing to the ground. “Did you see these huge bear tracks last night before you fell asleep?”

“No, Papa!” I answered worriedly then remembered my dream. Was I dreaming when my dog had licked my face, or had it been something else?

So this is based on a true story about one of my relatives, Angeline Skinner. She crossed the plains with the Mormon pioneers and was really lost and did get licked by a bear.

My mother thought I was a genius for writing this story. It is fine for and eighth grader. But I don’t think that one story once should be the reason that you encourage someone to be an English major in college. But that is just what I did. I went with the intention of becoming and English person, but quickly realized I did not want to write or be a teacher. So I switched to business because I took a computer class that I thought was interesting. I got about half way through the business classes and started to realize that I did not want to take anymore of them. I was really confused by all this. I could not figure out what I wanted to do with myself. I had always been told that I should do English. But I felt that I was more into decorating. So I switched to Interior Design, for about 2 days when I realized the program was falling apart. I had just met my husband jj at the time and he was doing graphic design. So that is what I switched to and stuck with.

I had never been encouraged in art or anything artistic. But looking back I can see that there were obvious signs that I should have been doing this. I would make crafts with my mom and she would have me pick out the fabrics because I always had an eye for color and pattern. I used to draw, but was never encouraged in that either and so I quit.

Finally I felt at home in an area of study. It was like a huge burden had been lifted and I finally felt that I had found something that I could make a living doing. And with every project that I completed I was completely amazed and proud at my abilities to do graphic design.

Since then I have become more and more aware of when I am heading for a dead end. Now rather then wallowing in dead ends for years, I see them coming and start making decisions about what I am going to do before I run into the dead end and have to beat my head against it for a while.

Other dead ends that I have seen coming include my dads neglect of taking care of anyone in the family and so I started taking care of myself and moving on before he makes the decision for me. I also saw that when I was getting close to graduation and jj was working at a design firm in Logan that he was at a dead end job and that there were no new opportunities in Logan. So when I was done with school we moved to Salt Lake and jj got a new job.

Seeing dead ends in the horizon makes living today much easier.