.::still blinking::.

I just finished the book, These Is My Wordsfor my book club.

I really liked it, but it is not a thriller or anything. It is just an account of a lady growing up at the turn of the century, and about love. I could not put it down. I did not even get dressed the day that I read it, just hung around with the kid and read like crazy. I don’t really know what was so addicting.

There is a part where she is traveling from Texas to Arizona and the page of a book blows by. She picks it up and reads it and then thinks to herself, “Accustomed is what the scarlet velvet woman was. She was accustomed to her sorrows it said, as she had been accustomed to great riches and fine food. We are accustomed to Indian wars and sorrows and traveling fast and folks dying.” It made me wonder what I am accustomed to. What are you accustomed to?

She also reflects on herself.

“At least I know there are other women around me. I think my Mama and Savannah must be special people in the Lord’s eyes, as they have gone about doing generous and loving things without even a second thought. For me it seems like the only thing that come natural is aggravation and hard work.

“Sometimes I feel like a tree on a hill, at the place where all the wind blows and the hail hits the hardest. All the people I love are down the side aways, sheltered under a great rock, and I am out of the fold, standing alone in the sun and snow. I feel like I am not part of the rest somehow, although they welcome me and are kind. I see my family as they sit together and it is like they have a certain way between them that is beyond me. I wonder if other folks ever feel included yet alone.”

I remember when I first put this feeling to words. I was in college and felt completely surrounded by people and yet completely alone. I still feel this way, do you ever feel like this?