.::still blinking::.

In high school I sang a song with the line:
May God hold you in his hand

I was thinking about this today.

If he is hold us in his hand…

and he shakes it up…

is it like shaking up a jar of spiders?

:: the way my thoughts have changed now that I am searching everyday for things I love ::

:: being out of credit card debt :: tax returns ::

:: yummy + beautiful dinners ::

:: silly boys ::

:: big open sky ::

:: this free birthday card :: this free envelope :: this stencil idea :: this retro star :: this little pouch :: this pin cushion :: this wallpaper :: this wooden book, isn’t that your mom Sarah ::

We set out this morning to take care of the weeds that are taking over the alley between our house and the neighbors. They aren’t knee high yet and it rained last night so I thought I would be able to tackle this in an hour or two. Turns out that is not the case. My weed puller has mysteriously disappeared.

And the weed pulling gets a little bit challenging when you have to yell at a little boy every two minutes.

Stop throwing rocks at the neighbors house. Stop throwing rocks down the window well. Stop throwing rocks. Stop sucking on rocks. Stop eating dirt. After a brief dry heaving episode, we continued. Stop sucking or rocks. Stop biting wood chips. Don’t throw dirt at me.

Luckily for all it got really cold again and started to rain.

I wouldn’t trade this. I love a little distraction and entertainment while I work.

When do they turn from babies to little kids? Is it over night or a progression?

When did he learn to love me in return? How does he know that I can make his owies better? When he is sick or hurt, why is that my greatest hurt?

I think that I am not alone in the fierce protection I feel for him. I think there are those who feel the same about me. We are always someones baby. All grown up and doing my own thing, sometimes you need a hug from your mom. Sometimes, no matter how different you are or become, it all melts away and you feel the unconditionalness of that connection.